Schmuck Shoots At Jade Helm Troops, Thwarts Obama's Invasion Of Mississippi (Updated)
[Update: New developments; see end of post]
An unidentified idiot with a gun fired shots at soldiers training near Camp Shelby, Mississippi, who were taking part in the Jade Helm 15 training exercise that has so many wingnuts exercised; nobody was hurt, but the suspect is still at large.
Perry County Sheriff Jimmy Dale Smith said no one was injured around 11:35 a.m. when the shots were fired in the direction of two soldiers training on Peret Tower Road, which is not on the premises of Camp Shelby.
The call came in around 12:15 p.m. on the sheriff's department main line.
Smith said he doesn't know if the two soldiers were actually the target of the shots or not, but that where they were training was visible from the road.
Get ready for some fun conspiracy theories on this one, since initial reports said that there were two men in a pickup that had the phrase "Broken Arrow" written on it -- a phrase denoting a ground unit "facing imminent destruction from enemy attack." It turns out that a truck with that phrase on its windshield was spotted nearby, but after the two men who'd been in it were questioned and released without charge, the "Broken Arrow" part of the description has been dropped. Don't worry, though: What was sloppy confused early reporting will no doubt be woven into a nice conspiracy story about the incident.
Law enforcement is now searching for a small lowered maroon pickup with black rims, driven by a white man; what kind of weapon the man had isn't yet clear. Whatever it was, the liberal gun-grabbers will probably try to grab it, and maybe take away his Confederate flag, too, if he has one.
A report by Alabama TV station WALA suggests that the commander of Camp Shelby, Col. Greg Michel, wasn't overly concerned by the incident:
"Based on the report that we got -- we do feel like this was random. The gunshots were pretty much fired in the air as the vehicle was passing our soldiers. Based on the report, the soldiers weren't at any time in any harm. They were in a vehicle. Of course we are on heightened alert. It's what we do. Our force protection measures have just recently been increased as a result of those fatal shootings in Chattanooga and we remain on a high state of alert[.]"
The lack of anything more concrete hasn't kept loons on Twitter and in rightwing blogs' comment threads from speculating that it's obviously ISIS, or maybe American Muslims, or yet another false-flag by liberals to drum up support for taking all the guns away from the patriots ... or maybe just a good old boy illegally shooting at a deer.
While trying to find more details on the shooting, we did at least run across an intriguing July 16 post from a rightwing crazy person's blog, explaining that Jade Helm is actually an operation "created and funded by the CIA in Switzerland in order to spark a civil war in America." The blogger explains that what you sheeple think is "ISIS" is really "U.S. and NATO Special Forces which have been terrorizing the Middle East dressed up like ISIS," and that some of these troops would undoubtedly be redeployed stateside to start that civil war and/or give Barack Obama an excuse to declare martial law. Also, too, the article's headline vaguely predicts "Attacks on Jade Helm Soldiers by ‘Operation Counter Jade Helm’ Terrorists," although the actual text failed to explain how that would go down. Still, credit where it's due: this delusional conspiracy guy sort of predicted attacks on Jade Helm troops, and now one has happened, so we guess he wins a prize. Maybe a month's supply of Thorazine?
Update: Things just got weird. Reporter Malary Pullen with Jackson, Mississippi, station WJTV tweets that there's been a second incident of gunfire Wednesday morning near Camp Shelby, allegedly by the same suspect, and again with no injuries. She also tweeted a press release from the camp:
So we're guessing that rules out squirrel hunting; now they're hunting for a squirrelly guy with a gun. America!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.