Scott Brown Knows More About Lady Stuff Than Dumb Lady He's Running Against

Scott Brown, topless truck-driving Everyman who's trying to unseat Democratic Sen. Jeanne Shaheen because she's not as "virtually" from New Hampshire as he is, knows all about women. He has a wife -- who is a woman! -- and also too some daughters, and they are women too! (Sorry, fellas, they are no longer "both available," though, as he successfully married off one of them this summer for seven oxen and a she-goat.)

With all those women around him, it's no wonder he knows and cares so much about women's issues, for whom he has all the answers, as he explained in a candidate forum last week hosted by local NPR affiliate NHPR.

"HOST: Two questions for you Senator Brown, please. Why do you think this gender gap persists and how can you and other Republican candidates this year close it?

BROWN: Well I'll leave that to the political pundits. I know that I have a house full of women. Three overachieving, hard charging, accomplished women, two of which are independent and obviously following their career paths, of which I have supported along with Gail. That being said, we need to do everything and anything we can to make sure that they and others have opportunities to achieve that balance, being a mom -- having it all -- and obviously, having a career. And it is a balance, because I know when my wife got up at three in the morning, I was there cooking and getting the kids off to bed, and she would come home and get them to dinner. It’s really a team effort.

Great answer, Senator! That is, if the question had been "Do you live with ladies and how many of them?" However, doing "everything and anything" so that women "and others" can achieve a happy home life balance does not really answer the question of why women for some strange reason do not think Republicans care all that much about women.

Perhaps that ever-growing gender gap might be influenced by the fact that GOP senators like Scott Brown keep killing bills that would help women and address things like the equal pay. Not that Brown cares whether ladies are paid fairly; when he was still in the Senate representing that other place, he voted against the Paycheck Fairness Act, which, coincidentally, his Democratic opponent cosponsored, like some kind of senator who actually cares about fair pay for real. But he had a really good reason:

“As a father and husband of women in the workforce, I believe strongly in fair pay, and employers who discriminate against women should be prosecuted aggressively," Brown said in a statement. "The bill before the Senate today was flawed and overreaching. It’s the right cause but the wrong bill. On the heels of last week’s dismal jobs report, the last thing we should be doing is putting more job-killing burdens on small businesses and employers. Instead, we should be focused on creating jobs for women who, like all Americans, have been negatively affected by the employment crisis.”

Brown's extensive experience living among the female species has taught him that creating jobs for women is a much better way of ensuring they are fairly paid than voting for some dumb law that would ensure they are fairly paid. And if that fails, Scott Brown can give all the ladies a "hero award" for being ladies. It won't affect their paychecks, but it will make them feel really special. And that's so much better than money, isn't it? Of course it is. He's given this a lot of thought, after all.

HOST: So why do you suppose this gender gap persists?

BROWN: I’ll leave that up to you and others to determine.

Okay, so maybe he hasn't given it that much thought after all, but come on. He knows enforce equal pay laws by creating jobs for women -- not that creating jobs for women or "others" would actually be his job if the voters of New Hampshire were dumb enough to send him back to the Senate. Unlike that time he was the senator from the great commonwealth of Somewhere Else, he now understands that it's not his job to create jobs.

It's not like Brown doesn't have any plans, though.

I’m going to go after every vote — male, female, rich, poor, black, white, happy, sad. I’m going after every vote of the people in New Hampshire and let them know that they have a real choice in this election.

Another excellent point, Senator! The people of New Hampshire do have a choice. They can vote for Scott Brown, whose answer to issues is "I have me a wife and some daughters." Or voters could send Sen. Jeanne Shaheen back to the Senate. Not only has she given thought to the wage gap; she's actually voted to fix it. That's almost as good as the Scott Brown alternative: cooking and getting the kids to bed so women can find that happy wife-mommy balance.

Shaheen was a cosponsor of the Paycheck Fairness Act and the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. She's fought to protect women's health care rights and to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act. She supports Obamacare, which Brown would happily repeal if given the chance, which is another thing that helps women almost as much as giving them awards. She might not have a wife and a whole bunch of daughters, but somehow, she seems to know a thing or two about women anyway.

Please click to donate to Jeanne Shaheen so we can send her back to the Senate. One turn in the Senate for Scott Brown was more than enough.


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