Do I hear banjo music?

Oh, Scotty! When you've lost Fox News, you are well and truly fucked! On Tuesday we took you on a whirlwind tour of EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt's many fascinating ethical entanglements. The $50/night condo from an energy lobbyist, the fat raises he gave to his two prized staffers from Oklahoma out of Clean Water funds after the White House explicitly nixed the idea, and the ongoing investigation of his gargantuan travel and security expenses. Our Scott is a busy guy!

Since then we've learned that Pruitt used his favorite Oklahoma staffer to find him a new apartment -- a massive ethical no-no, even if you believe she only called the realtors after business hours. (Which, well, color us skeptical.) A government employee cannot be asked to do non-government work for her supervisor. That is not a thing!

And then Kevin Minoli, the EPA ethics official who dummied up that memo last week saying Pruitt's lobbyist sublet was totally kosher, has started to back away from it. Don't take him the wrong way, see. Minoli wasn't saying that Pruitt didn't change EPA policy to favor his landlord Steven Hart's clients. And he wasn't saying that Pruitt's actual living arrangements were cool. All he was saying is that the words on the lease are okay. So don't blame Kevin Minoli for whatever shit is coming down the pike, thankyouverymuch!

Plus that phone call where John Kelly supposedly told Pruitt that it was all good and the White House had his back? Yeah, not quite. The Daily Beast reports,

Is there anything else that “hasn’t come out” yet, Kelly asked, according to three Trump administration sources. The chief of staff then impressed upon Pruitt that, though he has the full public confidence of President Trump for now, the flow of negative and damning stories needed to stop soon, as one source briefed on the contents of the call described.

“[It] was not a friendly buck-up call at all,” is how another Trump administration official described the conversation to The Daily Beast.

And that was before The Atlantic dropped that bombshell about his two pals from Oklahoma getting raises!

So Pruitt went in search of a friendly audience. Unfortunately, Ed Henry forgot that he works for Rupert Murdoch's Stooge and Toady Channel and actually did real journalism yesterday. Also unfortunately, Scott Pruitt talks like a guy on speed who just got caught shoplifting a pork roast at the Piggly Wiggly.

HENRY: If you're committed to the Trump agenda, why did you go around the President and the White House and give pay raises to two staffers?

PRUITT: I did not. My staff did, and I found out about that yesterday, and I changed it.

You wouldn't be lying to Ed Henry's face, would you, Scott? You know every journalist DC already filed a FOIA request on who ordered those raises, right?

HENRY: Both of these staffers who got these large pay raises are friends of yours, I believe from Oklahoma, right?

PRUITT: They are staffers here in the agency.

HENRY: They are friends of yours.

PRUITT: Well, they serve a very important person.

HENRY: And you did not know that they got these large pay raises?

PRUITT: I did not know that they got pay raises until yesterday.

Oh, lookie here! Seems that Susan Dravis, one of Pruitt's top aides, abruptly resigned last week. Guess we know the buck stops somewhere below Scott Pruitt. Or it is a mighty coincidence, who can say? ETA: We forgot to mention that Dravis used to date wifebeater Rob Porter, because of course these people are all sleeping together. She's the one who told Don McGahn that both of Porter's ex-wives had accused him of abuse.

Then Henry helpfully reminded the EPA head of that time in 2016 when he said that Trump was "an empty vessel when it comes to things like the Constitution and rule of law." So that's nice.

And just this morning deputy Press Secretary Hogan Gidley told Fox News, "I can’t speak to the future of Scott Pruitt."

Keep checking Trump's Twitter feed, Scotty! We hear that's where all the big HR decisions get announced.

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Are you a fairly regular Wonkette reader and have had a nagging little voice for some time saying “you should throw Wonkette a buck every month”? That is called your conscience. Listen to it! It feels good!

[FoxCNN / Daily Beast]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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