SCOTUS: Everyone's Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June

Well, we saw this one coming: The Supreme Court will (probably) decide once and for all whether states can ban gay marriage.

The Court agreed Friday to review the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals' decision in DeBoer v. Snyder, which is the only one of a recent string of federal appeals court decisions to hold that four states -- Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Ohio -- can restrict marriage to straight people only.

As our Kaili Joy Gray wrote at the time of the 6th Circuit's decision, it was a pretty crappy decision, in which the appellate court mostly dithered over whether a court could do something so radical as to strike down state bans on marriage equality:

When you cut out all of that lawtalk, the basic premise of the court’s decision to overturn the lower courts’ decisions is that, as judges, they cannot possibly decide whether it is constitutional to discriminate against gay people for being gay. What are they -- judges?

Man oh man, did Kaili ever call it right:

This decision all but guarantees that the issue will make its way to the Supreme Court. The 9th Circuit’s decision in October -- which is a much better read, and you should definitely read it, it is excellent -- came to basically the exact opposite conclusion. Of course Gay-Americans have the same rights as Not-Gay-Americans. And the Supreme Court has said as much. And hello, Equal Protection? And hello, 21st century? And hello, DUH!!!

And so the Court slouches forward, with the case set to be heard in April, and the decision likely to come in June -- almost certainly the last decision of the term, because Drama. Which way will Anthony Kennedy swing? Will the sheer moral force of Ruth Bader Ginsburg's glare prevail? Will Scalia and Thomas finally admit their forbidden love?

The countdown to Gaymageddon 2015 starts TODAY. Wonkette's Evan Hurst will have a Big Gay Preview of the case this weekend, featuring an exclusive profile of one of the Tennessee couples at the center of one of the four cases the Supremes will review. Until then, we bid you dear Wonkers read some of these fine pieces on how the heck we got here.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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