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Are you a writer what got no job? Then you will not want to read the following, in which we hire ANOTHER person, as it will probably make you want to eat your own liver. And livers are not like hearts or kidneys. A liver is an organ YOU ACTUALLY NEED!


Last week, we told you that -- thanks to you, the loyal Wonker -- we were creating ONE ENTIRE JOB. (Actual picture, not kidding, of Doktor Zoom at the link.)

Last week we also told you that we had seen a hilariously dumb panel about monetizing content for the web, and really their only advice was that, like Politico and Andrew Sullivan, you should charge people to look at your shit. WELL WE SAID NO THANK YOU. Too many of our readers are poor and homeless and covered in scabies and sadness for us to put up paywalls. NO PAYWALL CAN HOLD YOUR WONKET! But we did finally (finally) and thanks to the help from one ShyPixel, put up our annoying little "send us money" noodge. And did you? IN FACT YOU DID.

So fuck it, we're hiring Snipy now too. (Not pictured above.)

La Snipy is leaving her Bob Law Law Job to come and blog full time for Wonket and our as yet unnamed arts and entertainment site, which she will pretty much run except for how we are actually a little bit of a micromanager maybe. She lives in Minnesota, where she's totally a lesbian and also spends time actually watching the coverage of the Met Gala or whatever? Who would do that? She has a bunch of dogs, and probably a Subaru or else a motorcycle, who can know?

She will start September 1.

Onset of lesbian bed death TBD.

We think you will agree we are putting your money to fucking sexcellent use. Do feel free to send more!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Presidential contender Kamala Harris held her first official campaign event in South Carolina, a key state in the upcoming Democratic primaries. Friday night, she spoke to a crowd of roughly 1,000 at a town hall at Royal Missionary Baptist Church in North Charleston. She reaffirmed her support for sensible gun safety laws, including universal background checks and closing the "Charleston loophole." She fielded questions from voters about how she'd address mass incarceration. Actual issues were discussed, but then she went and spoiled it all by doing something stupid like eating in public.

Harris filled her tummy with Lowcountry goodness at Rodney Scott's BBQ. Later her press secretary, Ian Sams, tweeted a photo of the senator adding a hefty dollop of Texas Pete to her collard greens because she's civilized. Some chose to interpret this as "pandering." Because some are literally killing us with this.

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Last week, we started getting excerpts from fired acting FBI director Andrew McCabe's new book The Threat: How The FBI Protects America In The Age Of Terror And Trump, and we are both happy and horrified to report that his book tour continues! One of the tidbits we learned in the Washington Post review was that we have YET ANOTHER example of a time Donald Trump has shown us that he trusts Vladimir Putin more than he trusts his own intelligence community, and is probably compromised by the Russian president. Here's how the Post put it:

During an Oval Office briefing in July 2017, Trump refused to believe U.S. intelligence reports that North Korea had test-fired an intercontinental ballistic missile — a test that Kim Jong Un had called a Fourth of July "gift" to "the arrogant Americans."

Trump dismissed the missile launch as a "hoax," McCabe writes. "He thought that North Korea did not have the capability to launch such missiles. He said he knew this because Vladimir Putin had told him so."

Guys, it is SO MUCH WORSE when McCabe tells the story on "60 Minutes," because his account captures the fucking babyshits temper tantrum nature of Trump's reaction to his intel people.

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