Donate

dork


On Monday, we were very worried for Wonkette BFF Sean Hannity, because he had said that if Fox News president Bill Shine was forced out, it would be the END OF FOX NEWS FOREVER. Wouldn't that make everyone sad? Moreover, there were many rumors a-swirling that if Shine was kicked out the door, Hannity might run away crying, never to be seen on Fox News again. Wouldn't that make everyone's dumb right wing uncle sad?

And then Shine got YOU'RE FIRED! What would become of our dear sweet dumbass Sean Hannity? Would his entire body literally 'splode in rage, rendering him unable to suck Donald Trump's proverbial dick on the television each night? We waited for his meltdown on Twitter, but alas, it did not come.

Instead, he just tweeted this:

Aw fuck, Sean Hannity is NOT leaving? The tweet he quoted went to an article that said that, contrary to reports that Hannity's contract has a "key man" clause that says he gets to leave if Roger Ailes leaves, he is NOT leaving, so stop asking him. He will stay at Fox and work for that lady Suzanne Scott who got promoted when Shine's ass was shown the door, because PFFFFFFFFT.

Here's what happened during his show Monday night. Surprise, it was Sean Hannity, so it was disappointing and brief:

On Monday night's edition of “Hannity” on Fox News, Sean Hannity closed the show by issuing a “special thank you to all our friends in the media that were tuning in tonight, maybe for the first time.” He then added that “all the lies you’ve heard about me are not true” and signed off.

Oh shut up, you fucking dork.

Of course, Hannity has lately been railing about all the people who've been schemin' against him, and doing "lies, attacks, slander defamation, and NOW sabotage" [sic] to him. So maybe that is really happening! Maybe there is a secret cabal of liberals working to destroy the careers of all the paste-eating fools who love Trump, and now that they've gotten Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly and Bill Shine, Hannity will be the next victim of their insidious agenda!

Or maybe the Murdochs are going to force him out.

We don't know if there's a secret liberal cabal working against him, or the Murdochs are going to tell him to go screw, but we hope he still loses his job, because GO THE FUCK AWAY, Sean Hannity, you stupid loser.

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you. If you like us, click the banners below, to fund us!

[Independent Journal Review]

$
Donate with CC

Let's take a break from the awful terrible news for a moment and check in with Donald Trump Jr. and his unfortunate face. As you may remember, Junior and his wife Vanessa are getting divorced, probably because Vanessa Trump is tired of waking up from nightmares about being married to a guy with that face and immediately seeing him sleeping next to her in bed with that face just leaving imprints on their nice luxury pillows. And the divorce has apparently been getting DIRTY, because "somebody" has been leaking stories to the New York Post about how Vanessa Trump used to write love letters to her MS-13 boyfriend in jail and Vanessa Trump used to date 9/11 and Vanessa Trump doesn't need any Trump money because she is swimming in Marinara Buck$, and so on and so forth. Who is whispering these Vanessa Trump Secrets in the New York Post's ear? Definitely not Junior!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

House Republicans, apparently trying to remind America that they're capable of bad decisions on so many more issues than just immigration, have offered a bold new plan to balance the federal budget in just nine years, eschewing the usual 10-year timeline more typical of such rightwing wet dreams to prove they're serious this time. And what an exciting name the thing has: It's called "A Brighter American Future," and it offers such fresh new Republican ideas as massive cuts to Medicare, also privatizing Medicare, chopping Medicaid into little bits, and then stomping on the bits -- all assuming that they've, once again, repealed Obamacare.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc

SUPPORT THE CAUSE

Donate