Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves
It turns out that CPAC 2015 was pretty much a Cavalcade of Conservative Comedy. In addition to the sly wit of Rick Santorum's Birther joke, Sean Hannity did this hilarious routine about how Barack Obama keeps blaming Bush for everything! Talk about a fresh idea! Except it sort of went all cattywampus at the end:
These are some pretty hilarious riffs!
Hannity: Knick-knack paddywhack, give the dog a bone, and then you're a stupid liberal and you try to take the bone back from the dog after you give the dog a bone. The dog bites you. Not your fault! Not the dog's fault! Whose fault is it?
We aren't 100% sure, but we have a feeling that was an allegory of the rise of ISIS.
And after a couple of rounds of similarly inventive examples that precisely nail the hypocrisy and irresponsibility of liberals, Hannity got to his topper:
Hannity: I can look out in the crowd, I kind of have X-ray Fox vision, and I can see some of you women, you don’t even know it yet, but you’re pregnant. It’s not your fault. It’s not his fault. Who’s fault is it?
Audience: Bu... what the fuck, man? (We're paraphrasing the confused silence on that one)
Haha, but no, this time it is not Bush who got all the "young, good-looking" CPAC ladies pregnant! It was Bill Clinton, because he does sex to women! Including apparently CPAC ladies. Liberals are so stupid.
Now go home and love your blessed Bill Clinton/Sean Hannity rape babies, ladies! It's God's will.
And Sean Hannity, please quit your day job. You are clearly ready for the standup circuit!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.