Sean Spicer So Mad At Leakers For Leaking Whatever Sean Spicer Is Saying Right Now
Oh, dear baby Jesus in heaven, this "presidential" administration gets more and more ridiculous. We have news from the weekend that Press Secretary Sean Spicer pulled a bunch of people into his office to yell at them and take their phones, because of how this White House leaks like a Russian pee hooker who accidentally started peeing before the American president was even in the room, not that the American president would be into such a thing. Did Spicer catch anybody in the act? Nah, leaking is the oldest art form in Washington, and these people aren't stupid. Did news about his angry meeting about leaks immediately leak to the press? LOL of course it did:
Last week, after Spicer became aware that information had leaked out of a planning meeting with about a dozen of his communications staffers, he reconvened the group in his office to express his frustration over the number of private conversations and meetings that were showing up in unflattering news stories, according to sources in the room.
Upon entering Spicer’s office for what one person briefed on the gathering described as “an emergency meeting,” staffers were told to dump their phones on a table for a “phone check," to prove they had nothing to hide.
Spicer, who consulted with White House counsel Don McGahn before calling the meeting, was accompanied by White House lawyers in the room, according to multiple sources.
Apparently Spicer tried to threaten them and say they're not allowed to use apps like Signal and Confide, that destroy all traces of whatever you just said to whomever, and obviously the staffers were VERY A-SKEERED OF HIM, because they all the left the meeting and somebody immediately met a journalist in a parking garage, Watergate Style we assume, to leak the story. What is Sean Spicer going to do now, BAN PARKING GARAGES AND AUTOMOBILES?
We don't actually know if this story was leaked in a parking garage, because we are talking out of our ass like we usually do. But we figure it was probably something like that. Another hilarious thing about this Sean Spicer meeting about leaks is that he reportedly told all the kids that they would be in BIG TROUBLE MISTER if news about his leaky meeting about leaks ended up leaking. Ha ha! We are talking about it right now!
Here is an entertaining paragraph from the Politico:
The campaign to sniff out a series of damaging leaks, which Spicer is convinced originated from his communications department, has led to a tense environment in the West Wing. During meetings, the press secretary has repeatedly berated his aides, launching expletive-filled tirades in which he’s accused them of disclosing sensitive information to reporters and saying that they’ve disappointed him.
Hey, we have an idea! What if the Trump White House wasn't a gi-normous shitshow of failure and questionable legality? We bet there wouldn't be much to leak then! As it is, literally nobody in America besides Trump's close cronies in his regime believes in him, and that is how it will remain until he is impeached or resigns in disgrace, in Jesus's holy name, A-Fucking-Men.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.