Seattle Earthquakes, Unborned Fetus Parts And Gawker! Your Weekly Top Ten.
Hey Wonkers, happy Sunday afternoon! We hope you are full of brunch and joy and whatever else you like to be full of, dicks probably. So it's time to count down the top ten posts of the week, aren't you excited?
We will count them down in one second, but first we need to ask you a very important question about whether you will give us money. Will you give us money, $5 to be exact? Why? Because Wonkette is good, Wonkette is nice, Wonkette doesn't punch down, and just generally Wonkette is the best. And being the best costs money! So won't you help us keep doing exactly what we're doing, by throwing us $5? It is a bargain to love us so much.
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Okay, now that's out of the way, here are your top ten posts of the week, as chosen by science. If you've already read them, read them again!
1. That story about the big scary earthquake that's going to destroy Seattle and Portland maybe! That was your number one story, and despite the fact that some dorks kept saying it was "fearmongering," it turns out that the science in the source article, despite being "a little Hollywood," was very good. So everybody panic!
2. Wonkette had to write a nice letter to Gawker, to Wonk-splain some things.
3. Why is Planned Parenthood selling your unborned fetus parts for scrap? Oh wait, they are not doing that.
4. The state of Tennessee has some great advice about how drunk driving is bad, and also it's bad to go home with ugly girls for sex.
5. Did you survive Jade Helm week?
6. Despite his bluster, young Donald Trump was too much of a pussy to fight wars for America.
7. Scott Walker threw his hat in the ring, as the next asshole who will not be president.
8. Sarah Palin Iran bad Obama bad let's build a wall something something you betcha you betcha word salad the end.
9. Oops, Maine Gov. Paul LePage is accidentally turning his state into a feminist paradise, and it's because he's bad at being governor!
10. John Boehner just knows Barack Obama stoled all the rain from California, to give it to Iran.
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Okay, now we are very tired and are going to go spend the rest of Sunday napping probably. See you Monday!
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Bristol libelz!