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Oklahoma Republican Sen. James Inhofe is very pee-shy. (ALLEGEDLY.) He just stands there and stands there at the urinal, waiting for something to trickle from his 81-year-old man thing, but he just can't pee, because all the transgenders are currently peeing down his neck, and he would like them to stop that right now!

He got up on the Senate floor Tuesday morning to complain-splain things:

My state offices, my DC offices have been flooded [WITH PEE! - Ed.] with calls from concerned constituents, from people, regarding Obama's latest unilateral action, directing public schools and colleges to allow transgendered [sic] kids into the bathroom and lockers rooms of their choice. ... In Oklahoma we understand what it's all about. This is all about a liberal agenda being crammed down the neck of Oklahoma and the rest of the country.

YOU DUMB FUCKING WINGNUT, you are getting your THROAT crammed with the liberal gaytranslesbosexual agenda, not your fucking NECK. If the agenda is on your NECK, you are being crammed WRONG. Do we have to explain everything?

Inhofe continued:

President Obama has decided without any input from Congress that local schools must accommodate a very small segment of the population in a very specific way by allowing them to use the bathroom of their choice. It's blackmail. You comply, or you lose something that you're entitled to.

Poor baby. He is very upset that Obama is sending a letter to all the schools in the US and A, even the country hick Oklahoma ones, telling them that, based on the administration's interpretations of federal law, they need to let people go to the bathroom that matches their gender identities, because JUST FUCKING DO IT.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601602/attorney-general-loretta-lynch-so-excited-about-kicking-north-carolina-in-the-ass"></a>[/wonkbar]This came just after badass Attorney General Loretta Lynch stuck her foot up North Carolina's asshole with a federal lawsuit, which kindly explained that, under Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, the Violence Against Women Act, and just basic human decency, the state is actually not allowed to discriminate against transgender people, because that amounts to gender discrimination.

Federal courts agree.

So it's not fucking blackmail, you chipmunk-brained jizz-goat of a senator. It's more like states get funding under those very laws the Obama administration is citing, so if you're not following those laws, you might lose your funding! Easy-peasy to understand, if you're not a moron.

Inhofe wasn't done:

This misguided policy is directed at the comfort of a micro-minority, at the expense of the comfort, privacy and safety of the majority of students, who do not want to expose themselves, or be exposed to another student of a different sex.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/586036/toe-tapping-sen-larry-craig-liked-his-manwhores-butch-no-femmes-no-asians-no-fats"></a>[/wonkbar]Goddammit, Inhofe is another Republican who doesn't seem to understand that people shouldn't be "exposing themselves" to people in the bathroom in the first place! Now, we know that Republican senators don't have a great history when it comes to What To Do In Bathroom (ahem!), but normal people don't go in there to show everybody their junk.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600110/these-dudes-cant-wait-to-pee-next-to-your-wife"></a>[/wonkbar]Of course, we could explain to Sen. Inhofe that a trans man using the men's room isn't a "different sex" from the other men in there, but he's too stupid to understand and we don't want to type all those words. Maybe if one of these trans guys was in the bathroom with HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTERS, he'd get it more clearly.

But that's unlikely, because the goodly Oklahoma senator's weenus gets all kinds of tingly wherever anything LGBT is concerned. He has ALL THESE GAY FRIENDS, you see, and they all agreed that it was real fuckin' bad when the Supreme Court crammed their necks with gay marriage.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/591718/sen-jim-inhofes-imaginary-friend-dying-to-know-where-transgender-troops-will-go-potty"></a>[/wonkbar]And he was so freaked out when Obama announced his (currently stalled) plans to integrate trans people into the military that his first thought was, "But where will they pee? Not on my Oklahoma neck, and not on my global warming snowball neither, because I need that for Senate!" Of course, he passed his own confusion off on the possibly imaginary 10-year-old grandson of one of his possibly imaginary friends.

The point is that Jim Inhofe needs to STFU and stick to what he knows, which is absolutely nothing about anything that has ever happened in the whole history of the universe.

[Huffington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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