No android dreams of this.

Josh Hawley, the first-year Republican US Senator from Missouri who promised to protect people with preexisting conditions from his own lawsuit to overturn Obamacare, gave the keynote address at the "National Conservatism Conference" Sunday. It was quite the performance, what with its rousing call to end the "cosmopolitan elite experiment" he says has poisoned America. It was quite a barn-burner, and part of what National Review called the beginnings of an "Intellectual Trumpist" movement, Crom help us. Along the way, he railed against the shadowy international globalists, using a lot of rhetoric that sounded mighty familiar!

Yes, we're calling him a Nazi because he sounds like a goddamn Nazi.

For those of you with strong stomachs, here's the whole horrorshow.

Senator Hawley's keynote at the National Conservatism Conference

As Molly Ivins said of Pat Buchanan's "Culture War" speech at the 1992 Republican National Convention, it was an OK speech, but probably sounded a lot better in the original German.

Since the days of the city-state, the republican tradition has always viewed self-government as a project bound to a particular place, practiced by citizens loyal to that place and loyal to the way of life they share together. [Emphasis added]

You might even say they're bound by blood and soil, we suppose.

Hawley frets the leadership class has tried to destroy old loyalties and replace them with a state that "exists cut off from our history, separate from our shared beliefs—beyond borders and beyond belonging." Our "shared" belief, as this perceptive essay points out, means rightwing "Christianity," because all Americans must come to "the Cross" at the church or synagogue of their choosing.

Here's the core of Hawley's argument: The vast population of normal American folks, the Volk, if you will, are ruled by a pernicious un-American ideology that's permeated BOTH parties!!!

For years the politics of both Left and Right have been informed by a political consensus that reflects the interests not of the American middle, but of a powerful upper class and their cosmopolitan priorities.

This class lives in the United States, but they identify as "citizens of the world." They run businesses or oversee universities here, but their primary loyalty is to the global community.

And they subscribe to a set of values held by similar elites in other places: things like the importance of global integration and the danger of national loyalties; the priority of social change over tradition, career over community, and achievement and merit and progress.

Boo! Evil! Bad! Also, he's NOT playing with an old anti-Semitic trope, because you can see right on his website that there are no parentheses around (((cosmopolitan elites))). Thing is, these cosmopolitan elites aren't like you and me. Or at least not like Hawley and his listeners, because we're pretty certain that you and I, beloved Wonkette readers, are also not part of Hawley's real America. How can we be? We don't love God/America the right way.

But you might not see what's wrong with globalism, which promotes unlimited immigration and tempts you sheeple with "an endless supply of cheap goods, most of them made with cheap labor overseas" -- oh, no, it's far worse! THEY are trying to sap and impurify your precious bodily flag-hugging.

According to the cosmopolitan consensus, globalization is a moral imperative. That's because our elites distrust patriotism and dislike the common culture left to us by our forbearers.

OK, for one thing, it's not "forbearers." It's the Four Bears: Ice Bear, Grizz, Panda, and Yogi. Also, by "common culture," Hawley probably does not mean any of that degenerate Negro jazz. Then Hawley lists some of these terrible people trying to destroy "our" attachment to American Culture, complete with universities you can demand be defunded immediately:

MIT Professor Emeritus Leo Marx has said that the "planet would be a better place to live if more people gave [their] primary allegiance 'to the community of human beings in the entire world.'"

NYU's Richard Sennett has denounced what he called "the evil of shared national identity."

The late Lloyd Rudolph of the University of Chicago said patriotism "excludes difference and speaks the language of hate and violence."

And then there's Martha Nussbaum, who wrote that it is wrong and morally dangerous to teach students that they are "above all, citizens of the United States." Instead, they should be educated for "world citizenship."

Niskanen Center VP for Research Will Wilkinson, who was at the talk, said on Twitter that he

found the speech totally chilling, and I don't think the resonances of "cosmopolitan" were accidental. (The crowd hisses when he mentioned Nussbaum.)

Then again, can you really trust anyone whose very Twitter handle announces he's a globalist, just shoving that globe right in your face like that?

Those terrible cosmopolitan elites are LAUGHING at you and MOCKING everything you good decent people hold dear, like your guns and your religion and your guns again, because you have a LOT of guns.

The cosmopolitan elite look down on the common affections that once bound this nation together: things like place and national feeling and religious faith.

They regard our inherited traditions as oppressive and our shared institutions—like family and neighborhood and church—as backwards..

Thank God you have guns so you can stop them from laughing at you, forever -- but not just yet because Hawley isn't finished yet. What we really need is a national renewal -- it's ALWAYS a national renewal with these fascists, right before they throw off the yoke of the globalists and start burning books and the terrible globalists who wrote them.

Real Americans will unite in a new nationalist consensus of American Americans for American Americanism (look, there we go mocking patriotism again). And fuck the rest of the world, what does it have to offer us?

Let's start with this. America is not going to become the rest of the world. And the rest of the world is not going to become America.

Yup. America is populated by people who never had any connection to anywhere else, you bet. No Forced E Pluribusing for Josh Hawley! He then explains that America didn't start in 1776, or even with the arrival of the first Europeans in North America. Heck no! Like any good fascist, Josh Hawley has a major stiffy for the Roman Empire, so America actually started two millennia ago, and American Jesus, plus the Romans who crucified him, worked together to found America.

We are a unique nation with a unique history and a unique purpose in the world.

That history began 2000 years ago, when the proud traditions of the self-governing city-states met the radical claims of a Jewish rabbi, who taught that the call of God comes to every person, and the power of God can work through each, so that every human being has dignity, and standing, and can change the world.

The dude also told people to give up their worldly possessions and to love and care for their fellow humans, who were everyone regardless of nationality, so to do Christianity right you have to ditch a lot of what that filthy globalist hippie said.

There's a lot more nonsense about REAL Americans, who do not actually live in the population centers where most not-real Americans live, but fuck that, we've seen enough. Or rather, almost enough -- we should note that while Hawley's speech has a lot in common with an essay he published earlier this month at the American Conservative website, that version of his vision included a pretty telling line that didn't make it into the cut, and therefore isn't on video. Pity, because imagine what a campaign ad could do with THIS line:

Though the cosmopolitan class fancies itself independent, its members have their own masters.

He makes clear he means China and other international investors, of course, but you can't help wondering if maybe he also had the Rothschilds in mind, too.

The speech went over huge at Dead Breitbart's Home for Worried Whites, which quoted the good parts extensively. The rabble were roused, to be sure (there we go again). Weirdly, it also got traction with liberal economist Matt Stoller, who described the speech as not dog-whistley at all, but rather just good ol' economic populism. He should know better.

Oh, yes, one last thing. Great populist Josh Hawley, who can't stand the cosmopolitan elites and their snooty wealthy elitist universities? Dude went to Yale Law School. And while he's no multi-millionaire, he and his wife manage to just barely scrape by on $323,620, at least according to his 2017 taxes. But you'll never catch him sipping a latte.

So hurrah for the new National Conservatism movement. Maybe they'll even start a National Conservative American Workers' Party -- for convenience, they could shorten it to the Nascis. We bet Hawley would insist on banners that mimicked Roman designs, perhaps with a nifty stylized eagle on 'em, too. They'll need some nice matching shirts, all of a single color so everyone knows they're together, and perhaps a spiffy uniform, ideally by a famous designer.

And possibly a song, like "Tomorrow Belongs To Me, the Real American."

UPDATE/REMINDER: Speaking of patriotism, I hope you all have your copies of Ursula K LeGuin's The Left Hand of Darkness for Yr Wonkette book club Sunday! We're reading through Chapter 11 for starters, but not going bankrupt.

Yes, I said patriotism -- the two main characters have several chats about what it is, and isn't, and for that matter whether it's even a thing.

[Sen. Josh Hawley / National Review / American Conservative]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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