Republican Hero Sen. Tom Cotton, America's greatest constitutional expert since Jesus wrote the document himself, has already taught us everything we need to know about the president's authority To Do Stuff, which is zero. He can't just go around making deals with other countries, DUH. However, when it comes to bombing them, especially Iran? That's the president's number one job. There's even a song about it! Really, what is the hold up, Obummer? Especially because it would so easy:


“Even if military action were required — and we certainly should have kept the credible threat of military force on the table throughout which always improves diplomacy — the president is trying to make you think it would be 150,000 heavy mechanized troops on the ground in the Middle East again as we saw in Iraq and that’s simply not the case,” Cotton said.

Everyone who is Tom Cotton knows that wars in the Middle East are usually a yellow cakewalk. Drop some bombs, sprinkle some democracy fairy dust, and everyone lives happily ever after. Mission accomplished! That President Obama is wasting everyone's time with all that unauthorized negotiation nonsense, when he could just skip right to the bombing proves what a wimp he is. Unlike great Republican President Bill Clinton:

“It would be something more along the lines of what President Clinton did in December 1998 during Operation Desert Fox. Several days air and naval bombing against Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction facilities for exactly the same kind of behavior. For interfering with weapons inspectors and for disobeying Security Council resolutions. All we’re asking is that the president simply be as tough as in the protection of America’s national security interest as Bill Clinton was.”

We all remember -- because it totally happened this way, really -- that Republicans were in full support of Clinton's attempt to "degrade," not eliminate, Iraq's nuclear weapon manufacturing capability and take out The Terra-rists, including some random irrelevant dude named Osama bin Something. And none of them suggested that the attack, or any of Clinton's other simple bombing campaigns, was an unnecessary distraction from Clinton's impeachment-for-a-blowjob issues at home. Nope!

At that time, some GOP lawmakers used the phrase "wag the dog" to describe Clinton's military actions, saying he was using conflicts abroad to deflect attention from the domestic scandal. A movie of the same name came out in 1997, and the plot involves a presidential administration that launches a war as a political ploy. [...]

Clinton came under intense criticism in 1998 by the GOP after he launched an attack on suspected terrorist targets in Afghanistan and Sudan. Intelligence indicated bin Laden and his top associates were meeting at a training camp when U.S. missiles were fired at it, just weeks after al Qaeda terrorists bombed U.S. embassies in Tanzania and Kenya. [...]

A few months later, the accusations of Clinton's use of the military arose anew when the United States and Britain launched Operation Desert Fox, a four-day bombing campaign against Iraq. That operation came as House debated Clinton's impeachment.

As we also all remember, thanks to Clinton's effective bombing of Iraq, we did not even need to invade Iraq in 2003 to go after those same supposed weapons of mass destruction that were seconds away from MUSHROOM CLOUDING us here at home. So obviously, because it is just that easy to kick some ass and take some names and win all the wars in the Middle East -- and certainly no Republican would refuse to support Obama unilaterally bombing Iran without congressional say-so, or accuse him of trying to distract us from whatever he's doing this week to murder freedom at home -- this is a real no-brainer. If only Obama would be a Real Manly Man and get to the quick-and-easy warring on Iran already, we could all live happily ever after. Again.

[BuzzFeed/CNN]

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