It's time to wrap up this all-star Senate impeachment sham trial. Monday Lisa Murkowski and her amazing technicolor dreamcoat declared Donald Trump innocent of not being innocent. The Alaska senator joined 33 other Republicans who made clear they would help the president "beat those charges like Rocky." Not that there was that much suspense from the start of the limited-run Impeachment! series, but Republicans effectively killed any interest in the final installments. It's why we stopped liveblogging (that's exactly why). Still, we're professional journalists. We should at least check in on Tuesday's proceedings. Did we miss anything while we were waiting for half of the half-assed Iowa caucus results?

Sweet Christ. What's wrong with this guy? Dude, you won. Trump is all powerful, untouchable, and will soon rain vengeance on those who opposed them. It's like Rand Paul -- a sitting US senator -- is trying to get some random guy killed for sport. Let that be a lesson to anyone who might or might not be a whistleblower.

Mitch McConnell attempted to dress up his corrupt power play as some honorable exercise of the Founders' original intent.

That's some real bullshit. Did McConnell even listen to Murkowski's rant about how much the whole process sucked? She was full-on Al Pacino shouting, "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial's out of order." Maybe he did and he doesn't much care what she says as long as she votes like a good Trump stooge. Today, he swaggers out and boasts of his valiant effort to defend the Constitution and American democracy from "partisan" Democrats.

This whole narrative is such a gross lie. Sure, we weren't happy that Trump "beat" Clinton, but we don't believe that was his "original sin." He didn't just eat the wrong apple. He threatened to burn down an orchard if a foreign nation didn't publicly smear his political opponent. Trump's guilt is so obvious it's sickening. What's arguably worse is this black bargain supposed "reasonable" or "swing vote" (LOL) Republicans make so they can continue to look at themselves in the mirror while actively enabling a gangster. Murkowski, Lamar Alexander, and likely even Susan Collins and Mitt Romney will claim the president's actions are indefensible. They'll repudiate him. But they'll smear actual patriots like Adam Schiff and blame Democrats for the shit show Republicans fully rehearsed and staged. They won't even challenge McConnell, who perversely insists the president did nothing wrong other than win an election.

McConnell was so full of piping hot crap that even Chuck Schumer almost came close to raising his voice.

SCHUMER: The majority leader can come up here and repeat his talking points, but there are some salient points that are irrefutable.

It's unclear if McConnell ever recovered from Schumer's sick burn. I suppose Dianne Feinstein will retire eventually. Schiff can run for her seat, and maybe we can get a Senate Democratic leader who kicks ass. (Also, well done, Sen. Feinstein for saying you'll vote to convict. We knew we were right to have your back last week.)

At least Susan Collins hasn't yet Susan Collinsed on the Senate floor. My blood pressure couldn't take ... oh DAMN IT.

Collins claims (wrongly) that the House failed to prove that Trump committed a crime. She should never serve on any actual jury. Collins believed the House should've "tried harder" to get Bolton as a witness. Trump was impeached for obstructing Congress and intimidating witnesses, but whatever. She also has the audacity to say she didn't vote to remove Bill Clinton because she didn't think his actions were a threat to democracy so it's only fair she should also vote to acquit Trump, whose actions are an active threat to democracy. Look how bipartisan and moderate she is! What a hack. People need to stop comparing inappropriate blow jobs to election interference.

The soon to be former (if there's a God) Maine senator claimed yesterday that Trump would "learn from this case." Yes, that is exactly what unrepentant sociopaths do after escaping any accountability for their actions -- learn. Girl, go take an introduction to psychology class at the local community college and then get the fuck out of the people's Senate. Trump is already literally plotting his revenge.

Mitt Romney might be the lone Republican to vote to remove Trump, but it seems unlikely. He might surprise, but that doesn't change the fact that the entire GOP is repulsive.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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