Senate's Dumbest Republican Can't Stop F*ckin' That Election Fraud Cannibal Sandwich

As we type at you, Senate Homeland Security Committee Chair Ron Johnson, AKA the Senate's Dumbest Republican, is holding a hearing on unproven fraud and "irregularities." It's not that he doesn't accept the results of the election, heavens no! Does he think Joe Biden is president-elect of the United States? It's "certainly walking down that path, isn't it?" said Johnson on Monday. And he's definitely not going to be that one moron senator to challenge the vote of the Electoral College on Jan. 6.

"To do it without some earth-shattering, totally documented case where you really would see the election being overturned, all it is is a delaying tactic," Johnson said.

But still ...

Still, Johnson is moving forward with the hearing, saying, "A large percentage of the American population don't view this election as legitimate."

In other words, because large swaths of Trump supporters are fucking idiots who believe everything Donald Trump says, Johnson is just pretty sure he should have a hearing on how the whole election was a fraud. Probably also should talk about Hunter Biden, obviously, because even though Johnson's Russian propaganda-infused "investigation" into Hunter Biden before the election was a limp turd, he still needs to say "Hunter Biden" a bunch more times. Don't worry, he says he's been "vindicated" in his Hunter Biden investigations, because something something Hunter Biden's taxes.

Johnson explained his thinking more fully on Fox Business with jackass talking human Maria Bartiromo this week:

JOHNSON: I think we have all kinds of examples of fraud, and we know a large percentage of the American public just simply don't think this is a legitimate election. That's an unsustainable state of affairs for our country.

The Trump campaign has struck out 50-some-odd times at showing "fraud" in American courtrooms, often in front of Trump-appointed judges. But sure, Ron, keep fucking that cannibal sandwich. (Wisconsin health department says DO NOT EAT IT, though.) And again, people who don't think this is a legitimate election are only mad because A) Trump is a sore loser and crybaby who refuses to accept that he lost the election in a landslide, and he's inciting their anger, and B) Black people voted, and Trump supporters don't think the votes of Black people, or other racial minorities, or the white people Trump supporters consider race traitors, should be legal. That's it.

Anyway, so Johnson, the senator voted Most Likely To Spread Russian Propaganda Like A Good Little Kremlin Asset in the annual Wonkette Awards (which we just made up), who spent the 2020 campaign being warned he was spreading debunked Russian propaganda with his Biden Ukraine bullshit and did it anyway, is now holding an entire Senate hearing to spread more debunked Trump propaganda about how the election was "fraud." All the committee Republicans are there, except Mitt Romney, because fuck this clown Johnson.

The witness list? LOL. Well, there's Ken Starr. Also two moron Trump lawyers, Jesse Binnall and James Troupis, who tried to erase the votes of the people of Nevada and Ron Johnson's home state of Wisconsin, respectively, in order to deliver those states unto Dear Leader. There's some GOP Pennsylvania state rep idiot. A real expert panel, in other words.

As for the Democrats, they've invited Chris Krebs, the former Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Agency (CISA) chief Donald Trump fired for safeguarding the election from foreign attacks li'l bit too well. From Krebs's prepared statement:

"Current wild and baseless domestic claims of hackers and malicious algorithms flipping the vote in states across the country due to ties to deceased foreign dictators serve only to confuse, scare, and ultimately undermine confidence in the election," Krebs told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee Wednesday, according to his prepared remarks. "All authorities and elected officials in positions of power or influence have a duty to reinforce to the American people that these claims are false."

During the hearing, Krebs restated that he hasn't seen anything "from a security perspective" that calls into question the results of the election, and cited Attorney General Bill Barr's statement that he hasn't seen any sort of criminal fraud on the scale that would change the result of the election in which Joe Biden beat the shit out of Donald Trump and made Trump call him Daddy. "I think we're past the point where we need to be having conversations about the outcome of this election," said Krebs. He continued:

[ia_video source="" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1608137973563 expand=1 ]
KREBS: I think that continued assaults on democracy and the outcome of this election, that only serve to undermine confidence in the process, are ultimately [...] corrosive to the institutions that support elections. And going forward, it will that much harder. The trick about elections is that, you know, you're not so much trying to convince the winner they won, it's the loser that they lost.

Reminder: Donald Trump is the loser.

At the beginning of the hearing, Democratic Senator and committee ranking member Gary Peters of Michigan said the hearing was simply giving a "platform to conspiracy theories and lies," and was "a destructive exercise that has no place in the United States Senate." As of this writing, the conspiracy theories and lies are still being spread.

Look at Johnson's stupid fucking maskless face (he is a major coronavirus denier who's obsessed with Trump's Hydroxybonercream 3000 snake oil cure) as Peters is talking:

It's good to remember here that Johnson, despite how he truly is very stupid, knows exactly what he's doing, as he revealed recently in a phone conversation with Mark Becker, former chairman of the Brown County (Wisconsin) Republican Party. He's up for re-election in 2022, and he thinks the only way to squeak by another victory is to dive headfirst into Donald Trump's grundle and motorboat as hard as possible. That way, he thinks, he can keep Trump's voters on his side. Will it work? We dunno, but he sure does have the lips for it.

In summary and in conclusion, here is Ron Johnson having an absolute temper tantrum this morning at Gary Peters for saying he spreads Russian disinformation, which is just unfair, even though Ron Johnson appears to have never met any Russian disinformation he didn't want to smear all over his body like Wisconsin hotdish. (We're sorry, we don't have any evidence Johnson smears hotdish all over his naked body. That is a lie, but nonetheless important to retweet.)

[ia_video source="" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1608138275843 expand=1 ]

LOL, loser.

Get rid of this garbage in 2022, Wisconsin. WITH VOTES.

[Washington Post / CNN / videos via Aaron Rupar]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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