Separating Fiction From Even Weirder Fiction: A Special Fun Wonkette Quiz About The Weather
Everyone in the online universe has already pointed out that Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe (R-Tornado Alley)voted against Hurricane Sandy aid last year but will probably collect sweet sweet government monies for the Oklahoma disaster. (AS WELL HE SHOULD DAMMIT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS THERE FOR EVEN IF YOUR SENATOR IS A DICK SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT.) We are also perfectly aware that Inhofe is demanding cuts elsewhere in the federal budget to offset any aid Oklahoma might get. These are bad things! We know! But right now we don't care because what we'd REALLY like to talk about is just how deeply weird Inhofe is about global warming. Indeed, he's weird enough to often out-freep the Freepers, which is kind of a feat. So, without further adieu, we bring you QUIZ TIME! Sharpen your Number 2 pencils! Sharpen your brains you lazy fuckers! It's time for WHO SAID IT? Inhofe or Freepers? No fair googling first!! No looking at your neighbor's paper! Ready? Let's do the damn thing.
- "MoveOn.org, Michael Moore, and George Soros" are responsible for the global warming hoax.
- "Well actually the Genesis 8:22 that I use in there is that “as long as the earth remains there will be springtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night.” My point is, God’s still up there. The arrogance of people to think that we, human beings, would be able to change what He is doing in the climate is to me outrageous."
- "[Obama will] call it an opportunity to create jobs. Just remember....FEMA folks are paid outrageous wages plus expenses."
- "White House said Obama’s homeland security team is keeping him updated on the situation. They keep him updated about a tornado but not about Benghazi."
- "Climate alarmists see an opportunity here to tax the American people"
- “The well-known phenomena of the Medieval Warming [sic] Period–when, by the way, it was warmer than it is today.”
- "Well there is no such thing as terra ferma. There is going to be a chance for disaster wherever you live in."
- "...no one seems to remember this, the smartest thing the activists did in trying to put their program through is try to get the evangelicals on their side, so they hired a guy named Cizik, and he had his picture in front of Vanity magazine dressed like Jesus walking on water."
- "Perhaps if the democrats and this regime had not spent so much money on pointless crap and scams like globull warming...we could have built proper shelters in these schools."
- "The conspiracy theorist in me theorizes that the government planned this tornado for another Chris Christie moment. The weather on this planet has been so strange lately that I have started to believe the government manipulates the weather. I wish I did a screenshot of the weather forecast for this week posted on Saturday. They had the night temperatures at low 30's for the week. Now they're predicting low 60's. When did they change their minds not to bless us with cold nights?"
- (Inhofe: Raw Story)
- (Inhofe: Opposing Views)
- (Inhofe: Skeptical Science)
- (Inhofe: RealClimate)
- (Inhofe: Right Wing Watch)
- (Victoria Jackson? Naw. Freepers)
How did you do? Here's a handy grading chart so you can feel shame about your performance:
8-10 correct: Get off the internet and go outside and get some fresh air because clearly you've been inside reading Free Republic for too long.
4-7 correct: Casual Freeper fan, more into the hits than the album cuts.
1-3 correct: You were probably busy with something better to do like having sex, or washing your hair, or watching paint dry.
If we were fancy, we'd make a handy twitter widget here so you could display your score and show off your knowledge, but we are not fancy so too bad for you and your vanity tweeting.