Pastor Steven Anderson doing his best impression of "death metal." Ayup.


This is a song by the band Eagles Of Death Metal, whose Paris show Friday night at the Bataclan was interrupted by thug terrorists murdering people:

Now, be truthful. If you had NO IDEA WHO THEY WERE, how many seconds of that video did you need to watch to see how they are not "death metal" at all? One second? One millisecond? One eleventy-zillionth of a second? That's because you're not a moron. The band's name is a joke. TRIVIA FACT: band member Josh Homme's other band, Queens Of The Stone Age, is not actually composed of ladies who were queens during the Stone Age.

But alas, here is Steven Anderson, pastor of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona, and one of the dumbest fucking human beings in all of U.S. America, saying those people at the concert sorta kinda deserved all the murder, due to how they were at a DEATH METAL SHOW GRRR ARGH SATAN HISS:

That is just some astute theological analysis. If you can't watch the video, here, let us scribe it out for you:

The concert was for a band called Eagles Of Death Metal. ... These are members from another band that's known as Queens Of The Stone Age, but they're men.

SEE? Whoa if true. Anderson then tells his congregation about an article he found on internets about band frontman Jesse Hughes SMOKING DRUGS. Did you know his nickname is "The Devil"? Did you know he is a Christian, but also says one time he's pretty sure Dark Satan might have inspired one of his songs? Are you OMG FOR SHOCKED that a rock 'n' roll guy has lived a rock 'n' roll kind of life? Do you care?

Anderson continues, it still never occurring to him to hit up the Spotify and see what these guys sound like. He read that article, after all!

When you go to a concert of death metal, somebody might get killed! You know, you’re worshiping death, and then, all of a sudden, people start dying! … Well, you love death so much, you bought the ticket, you love worshiping Satan! Well, let’s have some of Satan’s religion come in and shoot you! I mean, that’s what these people should think about before they go into such a wicked concert.

Anderson clarifies that YES, what ISIS/Daesh/whoever the fuck did was Not Nice, but also says, "Nobody should be at a concert worshiping Satan with this drug-pushing hillbilly faggot! ... All you have to do is Google this band." You first, pastor! WITH THE SOUND ON.

Later he explains, AGAIN, that killin' folks is mean, especially when you do it in the Muslim way, but did you hear about all the 'bortions France does? They do some abortions. So there's blame to go around, we guess, and we should NOT stand with France, because it is a "sinful, wicked nation."

Yr Wonkette generally has a personal No Steven Anderson rule of blogging, which is best expressed like this:

Don't write about Steven Anderson. He is literally a nobody and his church has like five people in it, most of whom are his mail order bride Zsuzsanna. Okay, not really a "mail order bride" technically, but you go read the story of how Steven swindled her into marrying him and tell yr Wonkette what you think.

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Anyway, that is our rule. But we are making this exception this one time because LOL. He's appeared on Wonk before, just not that many times. He REALLY wishes Barack Obama was a dead person, and prays to Jesus about it a lot. He likes it when dumb lady people don't talk, because his high school education and lack of actual theological training means he's S-M-R-T in the dude way, which is always smarter than the lady way. Hey, he's memorized 140 CHAPTERS of the Bible, which is definitely all he needs to know.

If "Pastor" Anderson could give the world a Christmas gift, he would kill the homosexuals, so that there would be no more AIDS. One time he said gaysexual activist Michelangelo Signorile should die of brain cancer. His fixation on the homosexuals is intense, and you know what SOME SAY about extreme homophobes? They say you NEVER KNOW, but SOME guys like that close their eyes real tight and think of hot hard man dick when they're having sex with their chattel wives.

And he's too dumb to watch two seconds of an Eagles Of Death Metal video before going in front of his idiot congregation and brain-sharting all over them. Fuck him, he sucks.

[Friendly Atheist via JoeMyGod]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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