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[contextly_sidebar id="4cNLPhe80XZPEucagGQwKQacBC9MOrI8"]In surprising news Sunday night, Breitbart "News" (that still cracks us up) reporter Michelle Fields and sphincter-at-large Ben Shapiro said they are leaving the august bastion of rightwing journalism. Following the alleged assault of Fields by Donald Trump's campaign manager, Cory Lewandowski last week, Fields and Shapiro say they're leaving because Breitbart management has had its lips too tightly wrapped around Donald Trump's entirely adequately-sized penis to issue more than the most cursory mumbles of support for Fields. So maybe not such a surprise; Fields simply escaped before her literal-minded Brietbart bosses could obtain an actual bus to throw her under.

[contextly_sidebar id="zoihqa7owCGcjoldpN2QLfkaadB4wqp2"]Your quick review: Last Tuesday, when Fields tried to ask Donald Trump a question, Lewandowski allegedly grabbed her on the arm and jerked her backwards hard enough to leave bruises. While Fields didn't see who grabbed her, the assault was witnessed by Washington Post reporter Ben Terris, who told Fields that she'd just been blessed with violence by Trump's campaign manager. Rather than apologize, the Trump campaign insisted nothing at all had happened, and Fields was merely trying to make Trump look bad by playing the victim, even though Breitbart has been among the most reliably pro-Trump rightwing "news" sources of the campaign. Breitbart management was torn: Sure, it wanted to seem supportive of its reporter, but it's also been doing great business as Trump's media surrogate. After initially pretending that Fields had maybe been grabbed by a Lewandowski look-alike, Breitbart's senior editor-at-large Joel Pollak eventually Zaprudered all the available video to death, and decided maybe the cameras really did capture "Lewandowski reaching towards Fields." In a very magnanimous gesture, Breitbart CEO Larry Solotov issued the blandest possible statement of support for Fields, bravely saying Team Trump's insistence that Fields made the whole thing up "contradicts the evidence." How's that for courage?

It wasn't quite enough for Fields, somehow, as she explained Sunday night after she and Shapiro had handed Breitbart News chairman Steve Bannon their resignations:

“Today I informed the management at Breitbart News of my immediate resignation,” Fields said in a statement sent to BuzzFeed News. “I do not believe Breitbart News has adequately stood by me during the events of the past week and because of that I believe it is now best for us to part ways.”

Short and sweet, Bye Felicia, and she is so out of that place, thanks for all the support, you jerks.

Editor-at-large Ben Shapiro couldn't resist offering a lengthier and more assholish airing of grievances, accusing Breitbart management of betraying dead Andrew Breitbart's "mission." Stop giggling, you -- he's completely serious. After the Great Man's death (and ascent to Valhalla, probably), Shapiro was justifiably proud of the a wonderful job he and other Breitbots had done of "fighting back against the leftist media and debunking the left’s key narratives," he said. But sadly, current management had strayed from the True Path:

Andrew built his life and his career on one mission: fight the bullies. But Andrew’s life mission has been betrayed. Indeed, Breitbart News, under the chairmanship of Steve Bannon, has put a stake through the heart of Andrew’s legacy. In my opinion, Steve Bannon is a bully, and has sold out Andrew’s mission in order to back another bully, Donald Trump [...]

Yep, that would be Andrew Breitbart, the guy who used deceptively-edited video to bring down that huge bully Shirley Sherrod from a minor position in the Department of Agriculture, thus defeating the racist NAACP forever. He also unleashed great investigative journalist and serial liar James O'Keefe upon the world, bringing an end to ACORN and its bullying of white America by registering black voters. Such a hero. Shapiro continues, explaining his disgust at the organization's turn from good bullying to bad bullying. Bannon, Shapiro says,

has shaped the company into Trump’s personal Pravda, to the extent that he abandoned and undercut his own reporter, Breitbart News’ Michelle Fields, in order to protect Trump’s bully campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, who allegedly assaulted Michelle. I spoke with Michelle the night after the incident. She told me her story. That story was backed by audiotape, eyewitness testimony from The Washington Post’s Ben Terris, physical bruises, and video tape.

Credit where it's due: it's nice of Shapiro to defend Fields, considering that his main goal in life is to shrilly denounce gays and accuse Barack Obama of hating Jews.

Shapiro was finally moved to make his brave stand after Breitbart higher-ups told Breitbart writers to stop supporting their colleague. In Breitbart's version of the Sekret ChatCave, Chief Trump Fluffer Joel Pollak laid down the law:

“STOP tweeting about the story. Stop speculating about the story,” Pollak told staffers in one message, and reminded them that “you were given explicit instructions.”

“You may wish to defend your colleague, and that is commendable — but keep in mind that when you do so, you are also putting other colleagues under direct public pressure, so you are actually hurting some to help another,” Pollak said in one of the chats. “That is why we have to be patient, and coordinate our responses."

Yes, few things are more beloved by a bunch of writers -- even rightwing ones -- than an order to shut the hell up while their bosses "coordinate a response." They also happily comply with orders to stop supporting a colleague they think has been wronged. Easy peasy! Or as Shapiro says in his screw you guys I'm outta here statement,

Breitbart News not only stood by and did nothing outside of tepidly asking for an apology, they then attempted to abandon Michelle by silencing staff from tweeting or talking about the issue. Finally, in the ultimate indignity, they undermined Michelle completely by running a poorly-evidenced conspiracy theory as their lead story in which Michelle and Terris had somehow misidentified Lewandowski.

This is disgusting. Andrew never would have stood for it. No news outlet would stand for it.

Which is true enough. Andrew would have been out screaming at Trump protesters, calling them filthy freaks and telling them to behave themselves and stop raping people:

[contextly_sidebar id="tGCRpMOJPFB3ZOGOXN5xyBChT0VUPnYF"]BuzzFeed reports that the exodus of Breitbart staff is "unlikely to end with Fields and Shapiro," and that many among the former happy cult are updating their résumés. It's awfully sad to see a great institution disintegrating like this, yes, it sure is. As for Breitbart.com, they aren't saying much of anything. The site briefly posted, then deep-sixed a sarcastic farewell to Shapiro, accusing him of announcing

via left-wing Buzzfeed that he is abandoning Andrew Breitbart’s lifelong best friend, widow, hand-picked management team and friends in pursuit of an elusive contributorship at the Fox News Channel.

The ugly, backbiting mess is gone now, replaced with a very sincere apology that conveniently makes no reference to what Joel Pollack is apologizing for:

Thanks for clearing that up!

Yr Wonkette will bring you updates as the colossal wreck of Andrew Breitbart's legacy continue to crumble, and the lone and level sands stretch far away.

[Buzzfeed / Buzzfeed again / Mediaite / Breitbart]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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