So Hero Congressman Duncan Hunter Has A Lust For Life! Is That So Wrong And Also Illegal! (Yes)
After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.
A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.
Instead Hunter doubled down on his claims that the DEEP STATE HILLARY CLINTON JUSTICE DEPARTMENT is persecuting him for his early endorsement of Donald Trump, insisting that the entire indictment must be dismissed because two lawyers in the US Attorneys Office for the Southern District of California got their pictures taken one time with Hillary Clinton.
Any explanation the Government gives now for initiating the investigation of Congressman Hunter should be viewed with total skepticism through the lens of their attempts to cover up the partisan political activities of the prosecutors that initiated the investigation.
No? How about a Motion to Dismiss because separation of powers makes it ILLEGAL for the executive branch DOJ to prosecute Hunter for breaking laws that apply only to legislators? Maybe throw in a little Speech or Debate Clause to spice it up? Or what if he claims the laws are too complicated, so how could he possibly know he wasn't supposed to submit a false invoice to the campaign for a mileage reimbursement when his girlfriend drove her car for a couples weekend? Statute of limitations? Look, can we at least get rid of some of that stuff in the pleading about Hunter being a philandering dickhead who was tens of thousands of dollars in debt and perpetually overdrawn?
Hahahaha, NO. But if you want to really piss off the prosecutors, dumping hundreds of pages of garbage pleadings on them is an excellent way to do it. Here's an omnibus motion telling Hunter all the ways the government is going to nail his balls to the wall if they make him go to trial on this piece of shit, slam dunk case.
But wait, there's more! Here's a motion reminding Hunter of the one million texts between him and his wife talking about using the campaign credit card to buy personal shit, and oh, by the way, did you know she waived spousal privilege? Here's one explaining why they have to introduce evidence of Hunter's profligate spending -- 1,110 overdraft fees in 7 years -- to establish motive for his constant use of the campaign credit card. And if the Congressman doesn't mind, the government would like him to quit poisoning the jury pool with that shit about the government being BIASSSS because of Hillary Clinton.
Also, too, it's going to be absolutely essential to introduce evidence of his constant manwhoring, since he was banging so many legislative assistants and lobbyists, and they'll need to call all those women to the stand to establish that those were penis-vagina get-togethers, not legislative meetings.
The indictment identifies the individuals with whom Hunter carried on these intimate relationships, as well as numerous examples of Hunter's improper use of campaign funds to pay for their personal encounters. All of the women with whom Hunter pursued these relationships were involved in politics in some manner, and Hunter sometimes met or socialized with them in professional settings. Precisely because each of the women worked as lobbyists or congressional staffers, Hunter may suggest that he was justified in spending campaign funds on all of his "meetings" with these individuals. Evidence of the intimate, entirely personal quality of Hunter's specific encounters with these women is essential to demonstrate that his spending to facilitate those encounters was improper.
There's also an interesting passage referring to "Additional Potentially Sensitive Conduct," which the government is willing to file under seal because disclosing it before trial might "improperly taint the jury pool."
In addition to pursuing intimate personal relationships, Hunter improperly used campaign funds to pursue other clearly non-work related activity during get-togethers with his close personal friends. As with the evidence described above, the United States has offered to craft a factual stipulation that would eliminate the need to introduce this potentially sensitive evidence at trial. With respect to this evidence, Hunter has indicated that he may seek such a stipulation; the parties are discussing the specifics.
Probably he and his buddies just got together and hired a lady to give them private cooking lessons. You know, as a birthday surprise for their wives. Yep, that's it we're guessing.
And, as the cherry on top, the government has filed a Motion to Exclude Evidence of Hunter's Character and Good Acts. They're not even going to let him tell the jury that he's a good person and a veteran, because what does that have to do with stealing from your campaign, asshole?
In sum, only an absolute fucking idiot would get the prosecutors this mad. And Duncan Hunter is an absolute fucking idiot.
[All Filings available via @big_cases on Twitter]
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Hunter Motion to Dismiss because AUSAs are BIASSS for Clinton
Hunter Motion to Strike as "surplusage" all info about him being a philandering wastrel who spends ALL THE MONEY
Hunter Motion to Dismiss Charges because of statute of limitations
Hunter Motion to Dismiss because the feds can't prosecute campaign finance violations
Hunter Motion to Dismiss "If allowed, that substitution would leave every politician, whether aspiring or incumbent, vulnerable to indictment because, according to one of 93 US Attorney's Offices around the country, they made the wrong choice in how to characterize an otherwise legitimate campaign expenditure."
Goverment Motion to Preclude promising balls nailed to the wall
Government Motion to Admit Evidence of Hunter's penury
Government Motion to Exclude/Preclude re Hunter's argument that the USAs are out to get him and stop him from tainting the jury pool with that shit
Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!