So, How Bad Did Trump Fuck This North Korea Thing Up? Oh, ALL OF THEM, KATIE!
Are you plagued by the vague sense that the Dipshit-in-Chief has fucked up this Korea thing, but you're not 100% clear how exactly? Well, YOU ARE RIGHT! And luckily, Wonkette is here to 'splain your very wise intuition. But first: How stupid is your president?
.@POTUS: "The rhetoric— I hated to do it, sometimes I felt foolish doing it— but we had no choice." #Hannity… https://t.co/jjw9tA9O8R— Fox News (@Fox News)1528854015.0
Stupid enough to go on Sean Hannity's Reacharound Singalong and say with a straight face that his months of shit-tweeting about Little Rocket Man were part of A PLAN, and without this wise strategy, the Singapore summit would never have come off.
Is Dr. Ronny still dispensing those travel meds? (Nope.) Because someone is high on his own supply! Let's cut the bullshit -- Donald Trump was winging it, and he got ROLLED.
Fart of the Deal
As soon as he got home from his hot date, Trump rounded up all his pals to brag about getting to third base with the diminutive dictator.
Yeah, he's de-nuking, I mean he's de-nuking the whole place. It's going to start very quickly. I think he's going to start now.
Fox dutifully printed this as fact, because reading is hard. And that idiot is out there this morning pretending North Korea's nuclear weapons have magically disappeared overnight:
Just landed - a long trip, but everybody can now feel much safer than the day I took office. There is no longer a N… https://t.co/L9KSyYsnZi— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1528883817.0
In fact, Kim agreed "to work toward complete denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula." Which sounded pretty familiar to non-proliferation expert Joshua Pollack, in the LA Times:
The phrase "denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula" goes all the way back to a declaration by the two Koreas signed in January 1992 and periodically reaffirmed. The September 2005 Joint Statement introduced a new twist, calling for "the verifiable denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula in a peaceful manner." The Panmunjom Declaration doesn't include "verifiable," but cites "the common goal of realizing, through complete denuclearization, a nuclear-free Korean Peninsula."
Kim Jong-un will give up his nukes sometime, maybe. Or he won't, since he and his father said exactly the same thing eight times before and continued to build their arsenal. But the despot is mighty grateful we quit ordering the world to treat him like the pariah king of a torture gulag, which he is, and invited him to sit at the cool kids' table! Thanks for all those photo ops with the embracing flags, Dotard! As Korea experts Victor Cha and Sue Mi Terry said in an assessment for the Center for Strategic and International Studies:
It should not be forgotten, however, that Kim probably made more history than Trump, as he accomplished a long-sought goal of his grandfather and father to sit face-to-face with the world's superpower. Singapore will be remembered as Kim's "coming out" party as leader of the world's newest nuclear weapons state.
And what did the US get? Well, last month Kim returned three US prisoners. And who wouldn't invite a kidnapper to dinner and take a lot of pictures with him if he returned the hostages, just a bit worse for wear? Plus Kim agreed to stop building nukes at that mountain he'd already bombed into rubble. And he agreed to quit testing missiles, although he could walk away from the table and restart the process if Donald Trump fails to turn over enough booty. So it's no wonder that Trump felt obligation to make a conciliatory gesture in return.
Oh, God! He gave away the store, didn't he?
Ayup, sure did! After he left the meeting, Trump announced that joint military exercises with the South Koreans and Japanese were off:
EXCLUSIVE: President Trump tells @GStephanopoulos "I wanted to stop the war games, I thought they were very provoca… https://t.co/q5o0oFyH0j— ABC News (@ABC News)1528798723.0
Did Trump mention the cancellation to the South Koreans? Or the Japanese? Or even the US Military? LOL, nope! Which is why Mike Pence had to make those lie words to the Senate yesterday. And the South Koreans were blindsided, saying they needed to take time "to figure out the exact meaning and intentions in President Trump's comments." Spoiler Alert: He means he's throwing y'all under the bus because he thinks he's going to get the Nobel Prize. As Cha and Terry told CSIS:
Stopping the joint exercises has been a long-term goal for North Korea and China. Trump delivered it while getting nothing in return beyond the same generalities that North Korea has been offering since the early 1990s.
But standing by our allies like we promised is "provocative" when there are enemies to appease! So Trump invited Kim to Mar-a-Lago and is looking forward to kickin' it in the DPRK with the dictator. Maybe he'll even scout hotel locations while he's there! South Korea and Japan, our longterm allies, can get fucked. Sure, they're in striking distance of North Korea's conventional weapons, but whatever! The Pussygrabber's got a date in Pyongyang!
Can you guess who will still be doing joint exercises in the South China Sea?
That's right, China and Russia. Because that's not provocative! Hey, who was it who first told Trump he ought to cancel US-South Korean military exercises? Oh, right! It was his good buddy Vladimir Putin!
But wait, there's more!
Would Trump like to speculate on how awesome it will be when we get all of our troops out of the Korean Peninsula? He would, although Republicans senators have warned they will furrow their brows and send a bunch of concerned tweets if he does that, Mister!
But Trump is an even bigger fool than Putin bargained for, because he's a two-bit gangster who sees global politics as one big protection racket. If you're incapable of understanding real power, then of course our troop presence in South Korea looks like wasted money -- we're not getting paid to be a security guard, right?
We save a fortune by not doing war games, as long as we are negotiating in good faith - which both sides are!— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1528888203.0
Yes, the North Koreans are well-known for negotiating in good faith! And who wouldn't trust Trump to follow through on his promises ten minutes after he withdrew from the Iran nuclear agreement because he decided he didn't feel like it any more?
Donald Trump spent the entire campaign shouting to the pitchfork mob that America was getting raped by cunning foreigners who needed to pay up OR ELSE. In his transactional pea brain, alliances weaken America, and we lose power when other countries rely on us for security guarantees. In fact, the opposite is true. America was able to project power in the Pacific because we were the biggest guns in the region and our allies could count on us to be there from one year to the next. China is quietly buying up half of Africa, while Trump evacuates the Pacific and blows up fifty years of goodwill in our Atlantic alliances.
Reasonable minds can disagree on the wisdom of American military engagements. But taking our ball and going home leaves a dangerous vacuum of power. Donald Trump is busy claiming his fucking Nobel Prize, while Putin and Xi are meeting in China to divide up the spoils of a planet that is suddenly leaderless.
It's the end of the world as we know it, and we DO NOT feel fine!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.