About this big?

Marco Rubio, you are gone now, probably forever, because Republicans do not want a Latino boy-man who speaksa the Spanishes, even the diet Cuban kind. But before you left, you did us and the country a solid: you brought Donald Trump's magnificent penis down to size.

[contextly_sidebar id="iLFC5TKQ5zRMpuGIQ4aArUcP1m2ekX5j"]And once you started talking about Trump's nubbin, Trump had to talk about Trump's nubbin. He just doesn't have it in him not to talk about his nubbin when there's questioning of his nubbin going on.

[contextly_sidebar id="8l2mSio96HXZJHKeiiIHoaT2b87YfN69"]And once Trump started talking about his ginormous schlong explicitly -- that is, bringing up his big ol' dick in debates with his words, instead of just using his poll numbers as a penisly cudgel -- why, people did not like that at all!

See? Donald's big honkin' schmegegge got real flaccid there for a second before reaching its current rock-hard/cut-glass state. And that was all because of you.

[contextly_sidebar id="GR5lvYDd530eCiFLV02BK17QADcFCMi7"]The people of Kansas? They did not like hearing about Donald Trump's monster cock. The people of Maine also didn't! Even Alaska was like "that is a little unpresidential, Sarah hand me that bottle of Oxy, Ima make a new creation: METHCONTIN!"

Now, none of this helped you. At all. Because you're sort of untrustworthy and you don't hate Mexicans enough and you never show up for your job (or even your rallies!) and you are short, and one time, you drank water. BUT. Even though it didn't help you, it almost helped your country. And for that you should be ... sort of proud I guess? I mean, now you're the guy that talks about people's dicks, but you know what? So are we. Welcome to the Wonkette gutter, you might like it here!

Now shut the fuck up and endorse Hillary Sanders. You know "it's getting harder every day" to continue backing your party's standard bearer (remember? It is Donald Trump). And when you said so, you looked like Shep Smith in New Orleans, reporting on people dying because George W. Bush made a horse jockey the head of FEMA.

Shut up and do it, Little Marco. Do it like a man.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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