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Just minutes ago,we learned about wise children leading us to an understanding that ... liberals do not love their children, and love comes in brown paper bags we guess? Like 40s of Colt? Paul Ryan used the story of a sad boy who didn't want government cheese sandwich lunch, but instead wanted a paper bag lunch, like the kind prepared by people who don't hate their children and want them to die.


Ryan was careful to cite the source of his story as some (undoubtedly racist) woman who works for Scott Walker. (Scott Walker's office just can't stop racisming!) And it had a homily about please don't eat the government cheese. But would you believe that story was STOLEN? It is true. And the moral of the story was about how free lunches are awesome? Let's sexplore!

Wonker Tallmutha caught TPM commenter Ottnott sexplaining that the whole story was STOLED from the book An Invisible Thread, which is about ... GIVING CHILDREN FREE FOOD AND HOW THAT IS THE BEST!

The paper-bag lunch story is from a 2011 book about a hungry, panhandling kid in New York City.

http://www.aninvisiblethread.com/about

And the kid in the book wasn't turning down gov't subsidized lunches at school, he was reacting to a private benefactor's offer to pay for his cafeteria lunches at school.

"Look, Maurice, I don't want you out there hungry on the nights I don't see you, so this is what we can do. I can either give you some money for the week--and you'll have to be really careful about how you spend it--or when you come over on Monday night we can go to the supermarket and I can buy all the things you like to eat and make you lunch for the week. I'll leave it wih the doormen, and you can pick it up on the way to school."

Maurice looked at me and asked me a question.

"If you make me lunch," he said, "will you put it in a brown paper bag?"

I didn't really understand the question. "Do you want it in a brown paper bag?" I asked. "Or how would you prefer it?"

"Miss Laura," he said, "I don't want your money. I want my lunch in a brown paper bag."

"Okay, sure. But why do you want it in a bag?"

"Because when I see kids come to school with their lunch in a paper bag, that means someone cares about them. Miss Laura, can I please have my lunch in a paper bag?"

And then Miss Laura sent him to the orphanage and said FUCK YOU I AM A LIBERAL and then she aborted him and now he is dead.

The end.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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