Two South Carolina Republicans had an idea. Rep. Bill Chumley of Woodruff and Rep. Mike Burns of Taylors -- likely tired of being told by liberals like us that their monuments to that war they started so they could keep black people as slaves are somehow racist -- thought they finally figured out way for them to honor the Confederacy in a way that no one could call racist!

How? By honoring all the black soldiers who bravely fought in this war that definitely had everything to do with "states' rights" and definitely nothing to do with keeping them as slaves. They were going to build a big, beautiful monument right at the statehouse -- one that no one would dare tear down.

It would be a perfect monument to the great Lost Cause. A monument that would say "Hey liberals! Black people LOVED the Confederacy, ok? They thought it was awesome. Guess you are the ones who are racist, huh!"

Oh, boy, would that show us!

Alas, they hit a snag. As it turned out, they could not find any black Confederate soldiers to honor in their monument, because South Carolina did not have any.

The State newspaper reviewed pension records from 1923 that show three blacks claimed armed service in South Carolina units under the Confederacy. Two pensions were confirmed as cooks or servants, and none for armed service.

That didn’t surprise historian Walter Edgar at all.

“In all my years of research, I can say I have seen no documentation of black South Carolina soldiers fighting for the Confederacy. In fact, when secession came, the state turned down free (blacks) who wanted to volunteer because they didn’t want armed persons of color,” said Edgar, who spent 32 years as director of the University of South Carolina’s Institute for Southern Studies and is author of “South Carolina: A History.”

Any African-American who served in a Confederate unit in South Carolina was either a slave or an unpaid laborer working against his will, Edgar said.

WHOOPS! That sure is an awkward situation they've got there. But they still think they can make it work.

Chumley said his bill could honor any African-American who served in the Confederacy, whether they picked up a gun or not.

“We are all learning a lot. The purpose of the bill is education,” said Chumley, who filed a companion proposal to research the contributions of black people to the Confederacy in South Carolina and teach about their service in public schools.

"Celebrating" the contributions of anyone to the Confederacy is fucked up to begin with. "Celebrating" the contributions of black people -- who by and large were "contributing" because they were forced to by the people who owned them -- is extra fucked up.

That sort of "education," by the way, is hardly anything new. Since the end of Reconstruction, Lost Causers have cherished the myth of black people who were supposedly all about the Confederacy and did not want things to change, who absolutely loved the white people who owned them -- and even taught their adorable children to tap dance.

Meanwhile, two other South Carolina politicians (including one who is even a Republican!), have come up with a much better idea.

A separate proposal from Sen. Darrell Jackson, a black Democrat, and Sen. Greg Gregory, a white Republican, would memorialize Robert Smalls with the first monument on Statehouse grounds to honor an individual African-American. In 1862, Smalls hijacked a Confederate supply ship he worked on, steered his family to freedom and delivered the ammunition-laden vessel to the Union. He went on to become a state legislator and five-term congressman.

This, frankly, is beautiful and perfect and I hope it gets passed. After all, if all they are interested in is history and education, this shouldn't bother them at all.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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