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We don't accept him without face hair, nope.


Poor pitiful House Speaker Paul Ryan! He's supposed to be the sane Republican savior to herd all the feral cats together and actually get something done in Washington, but this Donald Trump man has been getting under his skin! Trump is a terrible racist, and that shit ain't gonna fly in Paul Ryan's GOP, no way, nuh uh! Ryan has also been sorely displeased with all the ruffianism on display at Trump's rallies, like WELL I NEVER!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600584/paul-ryan-to-yet-again-deny-america-his-sexxxy-presidential-embrace"></a>[/wonkbar]Some people even think maybe Paul Ryan will ride in on a white horse, unsheath his cock and make sweet love to the GOP convention, thus saving them from the bitter reality of how Trump is pretty much definitely going to win the Republican nomination. But no, that is not to be. (SAYS HIM.)

And so here we are, the day after Trump basically clinched his victory, and Paul Ryan is on the "Morning Joe" television program, lying on his back, throwing his legs in the air and saying, "Please Donald Trump, O Captain My Captain, do be gentle!" For God's sake.

Question: Paul Ryan, do you sense "any element of disagreement" between your beloved GOP platform and the YOOGE plans Trump has to Make America Great Again?

I’m familiar with his tax reform plan, which is lower rates across the board for everybody and all businesses for faster economic growth. We will have a good debate about how to do that, but if from what I recall from his plan, it’s basically that. On health care, he knows we need to repeal and replace Obamacare. So look, I don’t see a big problem here ... We have lots of different views but come from the same principles.

Awwwww, togetherness, and a warm embrace for Donald Trump's widdle peen stub. So hooray, everything is fine, and Ryan definitely doesn't have any plan up his sleeve to surprise everybody by running for president (before 2020), so stop asking him that, Joe and Mika! (Speaker Ryan said this while flashing a grin, twinkling his dreamboat eyes and suppressing a giggle.)

As Wonk pal Tommy Christopher points out at Mediaite, either Ryan has just taken "as quick a trip as you’ll ever see through the five stages" of grief, or as we would call it, How Paul Ryan Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Getting Butt-Boned By Donald Trump, or maybe he still has some tricks up the inside of his pantleg? Maybe he still will sexxx up America by being president? MAYBE?

Christopher also shares a new video from Ryan, which is not a campaign video, don't call it that, just like this thing wasn't a campaign video either, no YOU shut up:

BULLSHIT, THAT IS TOTALLY A CAMPAIGN VIDEO.

Speaker Ryan needs to pick one: Legs in the air for Trump, or run for president. American politics isn't a fucking buffet where you get to sample ALL THE THINGS, Sugar Tits.

[Mediaite]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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