Stacey Abrams Giving Democratic SOTU Response, So It Won't Suck So Much This Time
Here's some happy news in this time of terrible-ness! Senator Chuck Schumer has asked the probable actual winner of the Georgia gubernatorial race, Stacey Abrams, to give the Democratic response to Donald Trump's rescheduled State Of The Union Word Salad Lie-Fest, which will happen next Tuesday night. Because Abrams is awesome, this means maybe the Democratic response won't suck the way all other SOTU responses suck. Like, it'll probably suck a little bit, because that comes with the territory, but maybe people will watch it and be very happy and forget the orange explosion of failure they have just witnessed, at least for a minute!
PRO TIP, Stacey Abrams: Don't jump across the screen in the middle of it to get a drink of water like Marco Rubio did, because if you do, the pundit class will not stop talking about it for approximately three years, long after the joke has stopped being funny. (It was never funny.) Oh yeah and don't do it in an empty hallway like Chuck 'n' Nancy just did recently, while giving America a scolding stare that says "You were supposed to be home by midnight, YOUNG LADY!" Because that was kinda bad.
Oh and if Bobby Jindal crawls out of whatever cave of shame he lives in now and says "Do you want to use the haunted mansion from hell I used for my SOTU response?" DO NOT GO TO THERE.
"I plan to deliver a vision for prosperity and equality, where everyone in our nation has a voice and where each of those voices is heard," she said in a statement.
Unlike every other Democrat alive or dead, Abrams hasn't signaled that she's in the mood to run for president, but she hasn't signaled that she isn't either. Maybe she'll run for Georgia's Senate seat currently held by David Perdue. Maybe she'll run for Georgia governor again in four years. She hasn't decided yet, but she's still very much in the fight, especially the one to make sure every eligible American voter is able to actually, you know, vote, and know for certain that their votes will be counted, features that were notably absent in her run against Brian Kemp, the Republican secretary of state who oversaw his own gubernatorial election. Whatever she does, she'll be a badass and she'll continue to make history.
The RNC is predictably being a complete shithead about Schumer's selection of Abrams:
"While Chuck Schumer may feel her agenda would be a good fit for national Democrats, it's worth remembering that it wasn't even a good fit for her fellow Georgians who rejected her bid for governor just last year," RNC spokeswoman Ellie Hockenbury said in a statement Tuesday.
Oh wait, did Stacey Abrams concede that race and we missed it? No, she did not. Instead, she started a new organization called Fair Fight Georgia, and she is suing the fuck out of those motherfuckers, because everybody fucking saw what fucking happened in that race, it was fucking obvious to fucking everyone. (We said "fuck" six times in that sentence because that's how fucking bad it was.)
The Spanish language response to Trump's festival of lies will be given by California Attorney General Xavier Becerra, who is just lovely. After that, we assume that coffee prick will stand on a street corner with Lady Liberty in a headlock and demand Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stop murdering multi-billionaires like himself. And nobody will watch it.
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