Here's some happy news in this time of terrible-ness! Senator Chuck Schumer has asked the probable actual winner of the Georgia gubernatorial race, Stacey Abrams, to give the Democratic response to Donald Trump's rescheduled State Of The Union Word Salad Lie-Fest, which will happen next Tuesday night. Because Abrams is awesome, this means maybe the Democratic response won't suck the way all other SOTU responses suck. Like, it'll probably suck a little bit, because that comes with the territory, but maybe people will watch it and be very happy and forget the orange explosion of failure they have just witnessed, at least for a minute!

PRO TIP, Stacey Abrams: Don't jump across the screen in the middle of it to get a drink of water like Marco Rubio did, because if you do, the pundit class will not stop talking about it for approximately three years, long after the joke has stopped being funny. (It was never funny.) Oh yeah and don't do it in an empty hallway like Chuck 'n' Nancy just did recently, while giving America a scolding stare that says "You were supposed to be home by midnight, YOUNG LADY!" Because that was kinda bad.

Oh and if Bobby Jindal crawls out of whatever cave of shame he lives in now and says "Do you want to use the haunted mansion from hell I used for my SOTU response?" DO NOT GO TO THERE.

"I plan to deliver a vision for prosperity and equality, where everyone in our nation has a voice and where each of those voices is heard," she said in a statement.

Unlike every other Democrat alive or dead, Abrams hasn't signaled that she's in the mood to run for president, but she hasn't signaled that she isn't either. Maybe she'll run for Georgia's Senate seat currently held by David Perdue. Maybe she'll run for Georgia governor again in four years. She hasn't decided yet, but she's still very much in the fight, especially the one to make sure every eligible American voter is able to actually, you know, vote, and know for certain that their votes will be counted, features that were notably absent in her run against Brian Kemp, the Republican secretary of state who oversaw his own gubernatorial election. Whatever she does, she'll be a badass and she'll continue to make history.

The RNC is predictably being a complete shithead about Schumer's selection of Abrams:

"While Chuck Schumer may feel her agenda would be a good fit for national Democrats, it's worth remembering that it wasn't even a good fit for her fellow Georgians who rejected her bid for governor just last year," RNC spokeswoman Ellie Hockenbury said in a statement Tuesday.

Oh wait, did Stacey Abrams concede that race and we missed it? No, she did not. Instead, she started a new organization called Fair Fight Georgia, and she is suing the fuck out of those motherfuckers, because everybody fucking saw what fucking happened in that race, it was fucking obvious to fucking everyone. (We said "fuck" six times in that sentence because that's how fucking bad it was.)

The Spanish language response to Trump's festival of lies will be given by California Attorney General Xavier Becerra, who is just lovely. After that, we assume that coffee prick will stand on a street corner with Lady Liberty in a headlock and demand Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stop murdering multi-billionaires like himself. And nobody will watch it.

[Washington Post]

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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