Donate

Ugh, Starbucks, really? You're going to try to tackle actual serious societal problemsagain, now in Ferguson, Missouri, no less? Okay, fine, how are you falling on your face this time? Wait ... Starbucks' plan is actually well-thought-out and appears to be doing actual good? Well that was unexpected.


We've all had fun laughing at Starbucks's social-justice-related pratfalls in the past. This is particularly true when it comes to race relations; remember the time they wanted to awkwardly dragoon their baristas into uncomfortable conversations about racism? That was fun! Their new plan to open a store in Ferguson, however, actually appears to be doing some good. It would seem the 15th time is the charm for Starbucks.

You may remember Ferguson from the time the police there attempted to tear gas the entire population of the town for the grave offense of Existing While Black. If you don't remember, quick recap: a dickhead white police officer named Darren Wilson killed a black kid named Michael Brown (who may or may not have been charging at him, depending on whose version of events you believe). People protested, then said tear gassing took place, then we found out that -- SURPRISE! -- the entire civic government of Ferguson was controlled and operated by blindingly racist asshats. The whole episode led to the formation of the Black Lives Matter movement and ripped the scab off the diseased wound that is America's systemic, long-standing tradition of disproportionate police violence and brutality towards minorities (particularly African-Americans and Latinos). It was bad.

This is where Starbucks comes in. Last year, Starbucks pledged to put a new location in Ferguson. Everyone laughed, of course, because did you see what else has happened when Starbucks tried to be helpful? They were basically the corporate equivalent of your one aunt who always tries to clean up your house when she comes over, and NO, AUNT CAROL, PLEASE STOP PUTTING MY XBOX IN THE SHOWER, I DON'T CARE IF IT "RUINS THE CHI FLOW" IN THE LIVING ROOM.

But instead of charging in like a well-meaning bull in a china shop, Starbucks actually appears to have put some thought into this: they hired an almost-entirely local staff including a store manager with strong ties to the area (paying specific note to encouraging diversity as much as possible), they're selling locally produced baked goods from Natalie's Cakes and More, deliberately hired a minority-owned local contractor to build the place, and made sure the building includes a conference room they plan to lend out to non-profits like the Urban League of Metropolitan St. Louis, which will use it for job-training programs. All in all, while Starbucks is frequently worthy of mockery, it's tough to see how they could've been more thoughtful about this particular plan.

And that's good news for them, since they are also currently facing another lawsuit that makes us laugh so hard we spray iced chai all over our keyboards. The last lawsuit, which as far as we're aware is still ongoing, was over the company allegedly underfilling its lattes. A customer named Stacy Pincus apparently saw this and wanted in on that hot legal action, so she's suing the company for overusing ice in its iced drinks. Pincus is seeking class action status for the suit.

While this is possibly the dumbest lawsuit we've ever seen, it did lead to this deliciously salty response from a Starbucks PR representative:

“Our customers understand and expect that ice is an essential component of any ‘iced’ beverage,” Jaime Riley said in a statement. “If a customer is not satisfied with their beverage preparation, we will gladly remake it.”

Sure, this may be a frivolous lawsuit dragging on the already-overburned American legal system, but we think it's worth it if it resulted in a Starbucks spokesperson essentially letting loose a more polite version of, "iced drinks have ice in them, dumbass."

[USAToday / BuzzFeed]

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc