Starbucks To Be Even More Triple Grande Nasty-atto Now

Image by Stuart Caievia Flickr

  • As if Starbucks hasn't already turned "coffee" -- that beverage you pour into a mug in the morning, maybe add milk, maybe add sugar -- into a joke so bad it hurts our feelings, now there's a new not-coffee "coffee" drink on the way, for those of you who would mainline your sugar fix but are afraid of needles, we guess. It's called the Dark Barrel Latte, and it sounds disgusting, and shame on all of you, you crazy kids with your crazy "coffee":

    The nonalcoholic beverage includes a chocolaty, stout-flavored sauce, whipped cream and dark caramel drizzle, and it’s being tested in some locations in Ohio and Florida, a Starbucks spokeswoman told the Los Angeles Times.

    That is NOT coffee, children. It's a milkshake that tastes like beer. What is wrong with you? Get a haircut and a real job, stop drinking that sugary crap, and GET OFF OUR LAWN.

  • Remember when Rep. Barbara Lee was the only person in the entire Congress to vote against the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) in 2001? Were you one of the other half dozen dirty hippie America-hating Americans in 2001 who got dirty looks for saying "Barbara Lee Speaks For Me"? You will probably enjoy and also hate but mostly enjoy reading this:

    Voting "yea" would, she felt, give President Bush and his successors "a blank check to attack an unspecified country, an unspecified enemy for an unspecified period of time." To vote nay would break the U.S. government's united front. [...]

    Lee would keep explaining her reasoning in greater detail many times in subsequent weeks, months, and years. A recent episode of RadioLab features clips of her doing so in her own voice. Host Jad Abumrad mentioned in passing that the thousands of letters Lee received after her lone dissent are now archived at her alma mater, Mills College. [...]

    They fill 12 file-storage boxes.

    It isn't clear how many thousands of letters there are. No one has counted. But they're sorted as follows: seven boxes contain letters expressing support for Lee's vote; four boxes hold letters expressing disapproval; a final box contains some of each.

    Just read the whole thing. Rep. Lee is a brave woman. And a hero. It's just too bad no one else wanted to listen to her back then. Especially because she was right.

  • All the cool kids want to go to Mars now:

    India put a satellite into Mars orbit early Wednesday, the only nation to have done so on a maiden voyage and the first in Asia to reach the red planet.

    As the country’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi looked on, space scientists at mission control in Bangalore, India’s tech capital, announced that the Mangalyaan orbiter had entered Mars orbit after a 10-month voyage from Earth.

    Mangalyaan, Hindi for Mars craft, cost $74 million to send into space, making it by far the cheapest of recent missions to Mars. The U.S. spent $671 million getting its Maven satellite to Mars orbit, where it arrived late Sunday.

  • Y'all. Y'all. Happy Nice Time People has this Very Important Update on Our Lady of Deep-fried Butter Paula Deen:

    If Food Network doesn’t want to be in the Paula Deen business, fine, then Paula Deen doesn’t need them anyway! She’s starting her own food network… lower-case “f” and lower-case “n”… right here on the worldwide web.

    Yes, the diabetic butter queen is following in Sarah Palin’s footsteps with her own internet-based TV channel. And she’s secured all the rights to her old Food Network shows so there’ll be plenty of sugar-filled content right off the bat.

    Go click and read the whole thing. You will love, love, love how much she's changed from the "woman in trauma" she used to be.

  • Many (like, almost all) of you lovely Wonketeers wanted to make sure we had the Hot Tip about Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's freshly edited Wikipedia page. Thank you, each and every one of you, for letting us know that McConnell is, in fact, a turtle. It says so on the internet, so it must be true:

    "McConnell is the first openly Otherkin member of Congress. His species identity is turtle," the edit to Wikipedia said at 3:26 p.m. under the "Personal Life" heading for McConnell.

    It was made from an anonymous user somewhere in Congress, according to Congress Edits.

  • The editors of Cosmopolitan have jumped into the New Hampshire Senate race and, you will be shocked to know, they are not supporting anti-choice Republican dude Scott Brown from the state of Bqhatevwr; they're actually supporting Democratic pro-choice incumbent Jeanne Shaheen. But the endorsement is quite delicious and worth reading. Here's a little nibble:

    A fierce advocate for women's rights, New Hampshire's first female governor and first female senator is running to hold on to her Senate seat. And while we wish we could support the man who once posed nude in our pages, his policy positions just aren't as solid as his abs were in the '80s. We support Jeanne Shaheen for Senate.


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