White House Press Sec Stephanie Grisham Still Not Sure Exactly What It Is She Does Here

White House
White House Press Sec Stephanie Grisham Still Not Sure Exactly What It Is She Does Here

Stephanie Grisham loves her new job as White House press secretary. It helps that no one makes her do it. The White House hasn't held a press briefing since March 11. Grisham started work on July 1. The math isn't difficult. Grisham is also White House communications director, replacing the useless Bill Shine. She really brings home the bacon.

Yesterday, Grisham took Donald Trump's message directly to the gullible public on "Fox & Friends." It was an easy room. Steve Doocy was practically awestruck that Grisham worked "three jobs at one salary." (She still #BeBests for Melania Trump.)

AINSLEY EARHARDT: How do you do it?

GRISHAM: I'm just tired a lot. But if I can keep up with the president, that's all that matters.

This woman does absolutely nothing. It's possible the only entry on her calendar Monday was Extended Ass Bath On "Fox & Friends." The very busy and important Grisham proceeded to discuss how Trump doesn't need her at all. She repeated her BS claim that Trump is his own "best spokesperson" and the "most accessible president in history." Random people used to hit up President Grant for jobs and favors in the lobby of the Willard hotel. That's pretty accessible. You can't get that close to Beyonce. I've tried.

Grisham: Trump 'willing' to release Ukraine call transcript to publicyoutu.be

Grisham pointed out that Trump generously takes the time to shout at reporters near a helicopter or lie to them in a gaggle, and Earhardt wondered to the fullest extent of her mental capacity for wonder if this was the "new" press briefing.

EARHARDT: Before we saw all of [Trump's] press secretaries in front of the podium.

She then physically demonstrated what a podium looks like. It was the strangest thing. She just started playing charades on live television. We've all seen podiums. We don't need visual aids. It's telling that Earhardt believes what defined the briefings was the physical barrier between the press secretary and reporters.

Earhardt gave us the upside of ending the briefings: The snowflake press secretaries won't get their feelings hurt.

EARHARDT: Sean Spicer ... they made fun of him on "Saturday Night Live." You'll never have that moment again.

Spicer's tenure as press secretary wasn't a dumpster fire because Melissa McCarthy imitated him on SNL. That was arguably the highlight. Grisham doesn't see any immediate need to resume the briefings. Trump's doing just "fine" on his own. No, he's not. He keeps confessing to crimes. This is not a president who should speak for himself. Jimmy Carter was the most honest president of my lifetime and when someone left him alone with a reporter from Playboy, he confessed to having hard-ons in his heart.

GRISHAM: And to be honest, the briefings have become a lot of theater and I think that a lot of reporters were doing it to, uh....

This interview was also like theater because Grisham had trouble with her lines. Fortunately, Brian Kilmeade is a good scene partner.

KILMEADE: Get famous?

GRISHAM: Uh, yeah, they're writing books now. They're all getting famous off this presidency.

What's this? Journalists writing books! Dogs and cats living together! It's a madhouse. Grisham's right, though: There's nothing worse than someone using the White House press briefings as a springboard to celebrity.


GRISHAM: I think that it's so important that, you know, the spokesperson for the president can adequately speak to his policies and get his message out there, and I think the president saw that that's not what was happening.

That's quite the LinkedIn testimonial there, lady: "Last few employees sucked so badly we just cut the position. It wasn't worth it." It's just an absurd statement that the reporters were hostile to Trump's press secretaries, especially Sarah Huckabee Sanders. She treated everyone like garbage while lying to their faces.

GRISHAM: It had become, again, theater, and they weren't being good to his people. And he doesn't like that. He's very loyal to his people, and he put a stop to it.

Yes, Trump is as loyal and faithful to his staff as he is to his wives. But the terrific trio at "Fox & Friends" politely accept White House talking points no matter how ridiculous. They mutually agreed that Trump had done "absolutely nothing wrong" during his hot and heavy session of phone treason with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy.

GRISHAM: This is just another reason for Democrats and for the media to attack and look for things that just aren't there.

Grisham doesn't consider the hosts of "Fox & Friends" the "media." That's because they're a bunch of partisan hacks who help promote Trump's disinformation campaigns.

GRISHAM: The fact of the matter is, the president has calls with foreign leaders all the time. People are listening on those calls generally. There's some kind of a transcription made generally. And the president knows that. And he's above board.

She's really hitting the word "generally" like she skimmed a book on the power of suggestion. We're never seeing those transcripts, are we?

GRISHAM: There's a lot of people generally listening to these calls. But I will say that it's true what the president said. When foreign leaders come together to speak, they need to be able to speak candidly.

See, Trump isn't just looking out for himself. He's selflessly standing up for the rights of all world leaders to behave like criminals. Grisham was tossed some more softball and they transitioned to Trump's "historic speech" on religion at the UN. This was much easier than a press briefing with professionals. Jimmy Fallon gives Emma Stone a tougher interview.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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