Steve King Explains How Steve King Is Jesus
It seems like it was just yesterday we were writing about Steve King, probably because it was just yesterday we were writing about Steve King. So yesterday King doubled down on his whole drug mules with cantaloupe calves thing after people were like WTF really? Today, Steve King went in front of the House to double-double down and also to explain how he is just like Jesus:
King also seemed to compare himself to Jesus, who was allowed to “face his accusers” so they couldn’t “make allegations behind his back,” gesturing to himself at one point:
"As you remember, Mr. Speaker, the high priest said to Jesus, did you really say those things? Did you really preach those things? And Jesus said to the high priest, as the Jews were watching, ask them. They were there, they can tell you. That was, Mr. Speaker, the assertion by Jesus that he had a right to face his accusers. That principle remains today in our law that we have a right to face our accusers. And when he said ‘ask them, they were there, they can tell you,’ he’s facing his accusers and demanding they testify against him rather than make allegations behind his back."
Yeah, we can't figure it out either. Is Steve King mad because literally everyone on the internet made fun of him over the last two days and he wants to face us? Does he feel like getting to yammer at the world from the House of Representatives doesn't allow him to share his Word enough? Or is it just that he's hit the grandiose stage of being delusional about Messicans? We're going with the last one!
The Atlantic broke down the whole speech so we don't have to (thank god) but the Wonkette-sized version is that Moses leads to Romans leads to Jesus leads to the Constitution leads to...Steve King. Yes, the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward Steve King.
Since Steve King is such a loving and benevolent ruler and the pinnacle of Western Civilization, some of his loyal subjects have decided to bring him gifts:
DREAMers in graduation caps and gowns will deliver cantaloupes to Rep. Steve King's (R-IA) office Thursday afternoon in protest of the congressman's controversial statement that most DREAMers have "calves the size of cantaloupes" from "hauling marijuana."
Come to think of it, all good Americans should really send some cantaloupes, muskmelons, watermelons, honeydew, really anything you've got handy, to show your fealty to Steve King, the one true god.