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Steven Crowder’s Attempt At An Ashley Judd Rape Joke Somehow Makes Daniel Tosh Seem Endearing

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Oh sweet merciful christ the annual khaki-ed klavern that is CPAC has finally ended and thus we can start following less disgusting displays of retrograde political insanity, like sequester budget debates or public lynchings. Sadly, however, there is one more “story” to report from this pasty-fleshed convention from hell, and it involves everyone's favorite bastard offspring of Dennis Miller and Phyllis Schlafly, the ignoble glass-jawed future Senator known asSteven Crowder. It seems as if Mr. Macho Insecurity took a dramatic break from his usual YouTubed fits of transparent homophobic rage and condescendingly idiotic articles about his perfect marriage and instead made a crack about Ashley Judd and rape, which was (not surprisingly) about as funny as a tumor:


By the way, in breaking news, Ashley Judd just tweeted that buying Apple products, again, is akin to rape. From her iPhone. Rape—now she knows how my brain felt after Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Oh, she said it. What is this obsession with Ashley Judd and rape? It's pretty unnerving.

Hilarious right! Well unfortunately for Crowder the comedy masterpiece formula "famous actress + crappy 'chick flick' = awesome rape joke opportunity" kind of doesn’t apply when the actress at the center of the joke also happens to be a rape victim herself:

I've been aware of gender violence all my life, being a survivor of gender violence....And I think part of what's important, in addition to how we shape the narrative, is that we all have the courage to talk about it, because we're as sick as our secrets and the shame keeps us in isolation.

So Crowder, star of such epic displays of thespian excellence as “Baseball boy #1” in the Velveteen Rabbit, tried and failed to diss Judd’s movie career with a crappy rape joke. IT HAPPENS. But sadly that forgivable act of derp by a nervous asshole stretching time when introducing the next speaker is somehow even grosser in context, as the “obsession with rape" that Crowder is castigating Ashley Judd for is actually the actress’ advocacy on behalf of victims of the inconceivably awful (and ongoing) civil-war-o-rape happening in East Africa.

According to Crowder, Judd’s desire to use her fame and wealth to combat a terrible human rights crisis while also doing some serious self-relection of her complicity in funding that war makes her just another dumb Hollywood slut fame whoring herself for attention. Meanwhile Crowder is speaking at a conference devoted to raising money off of rubes starving for a live action gander at Sarah Palin’s tits or the myriad other celebrities whose opinions are taken seriously solely because they happen to be both famous and hate the same groups of people despised by the conservative movement at this moment. Irony, how the fuck does it work?

[Mother Jones]

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Tough week for Suzanne Israel Tufts, the nice Trump campaign lady with no experience doing investigations who was almost appointed to oversee, or at least overlook, the Interior Department's four ongoing investigations into Ryan Zinke's "ethics," for want of a better word. Not only did she not get that nice job as acting inspector general after the media got hold of the story and everyone said it stank to high heaven, but Tufts, who had been employed at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, suddenly up and quit that job too late Friday. Pour out a 40 (gallon barrel of industrial waste, into a poor community's water source) for her, won't you?

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Once again, the Trump administration is coming after birth control. Specifically, they are looking to issue rules that would roll back the Affordable Care Act mandate that requires that most employers provide insurance that covers it, which would leave god knows how many women across the country without access. The administration had previously attempted to eliminate this mandate last year, but said attempt was blocked by two federal judges on the grounds that doing so would cause "serious and irreparable harm."

But now they're trying again, because forcing people to have unwanted children just seems like a really fantastic time to them, I guess. If these rules manage to get passed, and if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade as it is expected to, the Right will soon be closer than ever to the future filled with barefoot and pregnant women making them sandwiches that they have always dreamed of. For the rest of us, it will be a pretty shitty time.

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