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Stocks Rally Due To Romney Win 100 Days In Future, CNBC Declares With Straight Face

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The stock market. What is it? It is a collection, or "cooperative," of people who throw bits of paper in the air and scream their faces off. If you are rich, it gives you muneez. If you are poor, it gives your boss muneez. When the stock market goesdown, that is because everyone hates the president, but when it goes up, that is because everyone hates the president. If anything, it just makes too much sense! Let us ask CNBC to explain why a stock market surge is due to investors betting on a Romney win, despite the fact that Mitt Romney is not, in fact, actually winning.


One analysis concludes that last week's sharp three-day market surge can only mean that Wall Street is banking on a victory from Republican Mitt Romney.

That's the logical interpretation one can draw from a rally amid conditions that otherwise would demand a selloff, Morgan Stanley chief U.S. equity strategist Adam S. Parker said in an analysis that asserts there is no other reason now to like stocks than a Romney win.

The conclusion Parker draws is that investors are betting that Romney will unseat President Obama and bring a more business-friendly environment to the White House. [...]

The conclusion, though, is not completely supported, either by past or present conditions.

Historically, moves higher in the market usually mean the incumbent president is likely to win, while sell-offs simply indicate the challenger is favored, according to research from S&P/Capital IQ.

Oh, so this Morgan Stanley fellow is spouting totally unsupported bullshit, as is made clear in ... let's see, both hands ... the 10th paragraph of this story, "Wall Street Already Betting On Who Wins In November"? Cool, CNBC. Good job, you guys. Keepin' it real.

[CNBC]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

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A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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