Hold onto your MAGA hats, ladies and gentlemen, we are about to take a ride on the Racism Express! Remember when Donald Trump said he was going to ‘make America great again’? (You should, unless you have as world-class a memory as Trump does; he says it A LOT.) Well, if by “great” he means "white folks calling the police on black women for doing regular shit," then America is greatly great! Again! Just like always!

Since The Confederacy Lost The Civil War Day is still fresh in our memories (because it was yesterday), this is a good time to add a few thing that “black people can’t do without being arrested” to the list of things “black people can’t do without getting shot.” Are you ready? Well, get ready because you have no choice! Just like black people!

Dear black people, please stop playing golf as slow as the people in front of you. Also, stop asking for plastic utensils because you don’t trust the Waffle House to clean your silverware properly. These things are crimes if YOU do them. They will call the po-po faster than George Wallace could say “segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever!”

On Sunday, Chikesia Clemons and Canita Adams decided to do some normal shit like "go to the Waffle House and eat some food." Here comes the possible crime: Clemons asked for plastic utensils, and decided that paying $.50 for them when she had not paid for them the night before was unusual. Words were exchanged. The group left. Second possible crime: She went back inside and asked for the number to the district manager. She waited for the number. What she got was SLAMMED ON THE FLOOR BY THE POLICE, DRAGGED, HER TOP PULLED DOWN, AND HER BREASTS EXPOSED! Then arrested for Disorderly Conduct. We have video where you can clearly see her trying to cover her body. Shameful shit, Waffle House. And Saraland PD, you're not looking too rosy either.

Today, the police defended her arrest and accused her of basically being drunk and disorderly; we are not aware that charge -- if true; it certainly wasn't apparent in the video -- warrants SLAMMING HER ON THE GROUND, PULLING HER TOP DOWN, AND THREATENING TO BREAK HER ARM?!? How many drunk and disorderly white women have had their breasts exposed and been slammed and dragged by the Saraland Police Department for saying things people did not like? If this is how you operate, then maybe you don’t need jobs. We have no reports of actual violence from Clemons, and there is no sound on the videos shown by police.

That’s normal in America. It’s so normal that not only young working class, blue collar, regular Janes like Clemons have to worry about having the cops all up in their grill for dubious reasons. Apparently, women who are upper middle class, middle aged, golf aficionados with memberships at the Grandview Golf Club need to watch their backs just in case Jim Crow is flying around.

On Saturday, a former York County, Pennsylvania, commissioner, Steve Chronister, called the police on five black women he deemed to be playing too slowly, because when black women annoy white men, the proper course of action is apparently to simply call the police and let them harass black people for you.

The women, Sandra Thompson, 50; Myneca Ojo, 56; Sandra Harrison, 59; Carolyn Dow, 56; and Karen Crosby, 58, say they were not playing too slow, they were keeping pace with the group ahead of them. Yet and still, Steve Chronister sidled up to them and reportedly said to Crosby and Ojo, "I'm one of the owners and you need to keep up the pace of play." (He is NOT one of the owners. Or their owners, either. He is not very important at all.)

Sandra Thompson is the president of the York County NAACP and a member of the group called “Sisters of the Fairway,” so we expect she knows her shit when it comes to racial discrimination. She and her group related that after several confrontations with Steve Chronister, they decided to leave. And they were confronted AGAIN, by Steve Chronister and his son JJ, who actually is an owner. They were given five minutes to pack up and leave and then were met by police. Yes. They called the police on paying members because a white dude was annoyed with how slowly he said they played. The police arrested nobody. There was no crime in playing golf more slowly than an old cracker would like.

Grandview has released several statements.

This one is the one where they try to act like humans.

Yesterday at Grandview Golf Club, several of our members had an experience that does not reflect our organization’s values or our commitment to delivering a welcoming environment for everyone. We are disappointed that this situation occurred and regret that our members were made to feel uncomfortable in any way. We have reached out to the members who shared their concerns to meet in-person, to fully understand what happened so that we can ensure it never happens again. Our team is very sorry for any interaction that may have made any member feel uncomfortable. Please know that we are taking this issue very seriously and expect our own organization to meet the highest standards for service that allows for everyone to feel comfortable and welcome.

And this is the one where they get super defensive and blame the victims while completely backtracking on the first statement.

Grandview currently has 2400 members. In the past players who have not followed the rules, specifically pace of play, have voluntarily left at our request as our scorecard states. In this instance, the members refused to leave so we called police to ensure an amicable result. The members did skip holes and took an extended break after the 9th hole. We spoke with them once about pace of play and then spoke with them a second time. During the second conversation we asked members to leave as per our policy noted on the scorecard, voices escalated, and police were called to ensure an amicable resolution.

I have never seen so much bullshit in one quote that was not from Trumpville. JJ Chronister would have a surefire opportunity to attain a post in Trump's cabinet. He should apply. There are literally tons of jobs for him there.

We don’t know whether the women will meet up with JJ Chronister after this ridiculous handling of a situation that should not have happened, but we do know that he and his father are jerks.

So, next time you get into a discussion about how money will fix racism, try to remember that whether it’s a Waffle House or an elite golf club, people will call the police on black folks just because they got annoyed. And although everybody lived through these incidents, please know that calling the police on black people for shits and giggles can get them killed. Knock that shit off.

[The Root / YDR]

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Wonderbitch is an extremely literate and angry black woman who likes to write things about many things. You can find her dishing out hot takes on Twitter @bravenakblog, or pretending to finish up her History Degree in her spare time.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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