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Straightest Man In The World Steven Crowder Upset The Olympics Taking Away His Fancy Wrasslin'

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Steven Crowder, failed men's rights comedian and evolving disgrace to his native Canada, is probably best known for being punched in the face and for concern trolling the internet about his awesome marriage. As it turns out however, Young Steven is a bit of a renaissance man as he enjoys the arts (yelling at people through his Youtube Channel) as well as athletics (threatening people with his comically bulging biceps). Well he is not pleased with the dirty foreigners who run the Olympics for taking away his favorite COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL sport.


To the chagrin of Crowder, the International Olympic Committee decided Tuesday that wrestling is somehow even lamer than Modern Pentathlon and Field Hockey and will more than likely not include it in the 2020 Olympics. There is a small chance that the sport could be brought back into the fold but it will have to compete for votes with baseball/softball, karate, squash, roller sports, sport climbing, wakeboarding and wushu.

Crowder was incensed by the entire decision, and said as much on his Twitter, even promising a Crowder-led boycott of the games (that are happening seven years from now):

Those of us who follow Crowder for our research into the long term effects of pre-natal lead exposure know that he's a man who loves his competitive crotch grabbing. In fact the sport, alongside Brazilian Ju-Jistsu and other uber-masculine activities, is without a doubt Crowder's raison d'etre alongside lecturing fellow young people about the joys of abstinence and gay people about how their public campaigns for civil rights make him nervous. But Crowder is not just angry that the organized battles of greased men in public is being taken away from the Olympics. No he's particularly pissed about the possibility that "Wushu," a traditional form of Chinese Martial Arts, might serve as the replacement for the Western version of wrestling that he knows and loves.

Why is Wushu specifically pissing off Young Steven? Because it is like totally gay:

And completely archaic for the modern fighter:

As Steven is an expert at all things involving this manly world of combat, let's take him at his word and compare the two sports.

Is this:

just infinitely less masculine than this?

The jury is still out. Sadly this means that Crowder will either have to boycott the Olympics, or be forced to watch swimming when his wife is out of the room.

[Twitter]

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Fellow Wonkers, this last week of horror has been wearing on us all, because here we are in a world where the "president" of the United States has ordered that migrant children be taken away from their parents at the border, and is simultaneously proud of it (for his base) and cravenly blaming it on Democrats because even he knows it's morally reprehensible. But what the hell can we do about it beyond calling our senators and representatives and posting sadness on Twitter, the latter of which is of dubious utility to anyone, and mostly depressing?

Resist the urge to disappear into a bottle. The kids and the families need you.

Slate has compiled a great list of places to start, which we will liberally summarize for you right now:

The thing these folks need most is LAWYERS. If you're an immigration lawyer, you're probably already swamped. But on the off chance you have time and expertise to spare, the American Immigration Lawyers Association is building a list of volunteers.

Yr Dok Zoom has given money to the fine folks at RAICES, a San Antonio-based group that has two major projects. They're getting lawyers for migrant families (and for the kids when possible) and raising money to pay migrant parents' bond so they can be out of jail and with their families. If you're in Texas, then click here to volunteer!

Update: RAICES is also holding a "what you can do" webinar this Thursday:



Also for folks who are in Texas:

The Texas Civil Rights Project is seeking "volunteers who speak Spanish, Mam, Q'eqchi' or K'iche' and have paralegal or legal assistant experience."

There's also CARA -- an umbrella organization for the Catholic Legal Immigration Network, the American Immigration Council, the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services, and the American Immigration Lawyers Association. Together, they provide legal services at immigration detention centers.

To help kids who are already in immigration detention, there's Kids in Need of Defense, which provides children with representation in immigration court and also lobbies for children's legal interests. Donate here.

If you're not quite sure where to give, ActBlue has bundled several immigrant rights groups into a single donation button -- see the list and donate here.

Remember, there's always the ACLU, which is fighting family separation with a federal class action lawsuit.

You want to march? Former top government ethics lawyer Walter Shaub, who gave up trying to tell the Trump administration what ethics even are, will be announcing the details of a national march (think DC and local affiliated marches) tonight on MSNBC's "All In with Chris Hayes." We'll make noise here, too.

Good people are coming together to put an end to this cruelty. EVERY Democrat in the Senate is now co-sponsoring Dianne Feinstein's bill to stop family separation.

And hell, we'll even give the last word to Jennifer Rubin, who seems to have reassessed some of her previous political views. She has a reminder for all of us:

Damn straight. Remember it every damn day between now and then.

It's your open thread. Don't boo -- organize. Time to RESIST.

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter

Don't take for granted that the institutions you love will always be there, like democracy, and Wonkette. Click to save at least one of them!

[Slate]

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There are perks to being the only Harvard professor willing to shill for the Bush League Mussolini. Everyone else has to haul ass to the Fox studio and sit for hair and makeup. Not Alan Dershowitz! He just parks his laptop in Pee Wee's playhouse and Skypes in that rant. Is he even wearing pants? We hope never to find out!

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