Stupid Fox News Idiots Confused Why Sharks Always Live In The Ocean So Much

Making fun of "Fox & Friends" twice in one day? SOLD! Here is your video of the dumbshit couch talking about a very scary shark attack that happened in South Africa to surfer Mick Fanning, and how it's one thing when normal swimmers get attacked by sharks, but when big important surfers get attacked by sharks, then we have a problem, because don't the sharks even know who they're messing with? (They are messing with humans, who, even when they are badass surfers, are smaller and not as badass as sharks.)

Make a stupid with your mouth, Brian Kilmeade:

“I think that the most shocking thing is that after you hear about the six attacks in North Carolina, okay, these are just swimmers,” Kilmeade noted on Monday’s edition of Fox & Friends. “But then when you see a champion surfer and you have a three camera shoot and an overhead shot, [you] say, ‘Oh my goodness, it could happen anywhere.'”

Oh my goodness, it really could happen anywhere! Except for mostly, it happens in the ocean, and you have to be careful, because that is where the sharks live.

Say more words:

“You would think that they would have a way of clearing the waters before a competition of this level. But I guess they don’t.”

Yeah, like couldn't they go in the water beforehand and put up a sign that says, "Hey all you sharks, just letting you know, we're doing a competition for surfing right now, so if you could please stay away while we invade your home, that would be great K THX BYE"? Or maybe they could be like "HEY YOU SHARKS, there is a pizza party, 40 miles from the coast, YOU SHOULD GO TO IT!"

Don't let Kilmeade outdo you, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, you are every bit as stupid as he is:

“Sure,” co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck agreed. “If a three-time world champion surfer isn’t safe, who is?”

“The shark should be afraid of him,” she added. “That was a tough punch he gave there.”

Aw fuck, thank you, Elisabeth. We cannot imagine why the shark didn't fearfully swim away, due to getting punched on its shark body, by not just ANY human, but by a three-time world champion surfer. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that IT'S A GODDAMNED SHARK, YOU FUCKING MORON.

What's the moral of this story, Steve Doocy?

"Some people jump the shark. He actually punched one!"

It all makes sense now. We are very glad the surfer is okay, and we continue to wonder whether the "Fox & Friends" kids should be issued helmets, for their own safety.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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