Stupid Man Who Is Somehow US President Embarrasses Himself At Davos
Donald Trump's impeachment trial is underway, but he's still free to embarrass us. The Constitution doesn't cover everything. Trump showed his ass at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. It was a collection of Trump's worst hits that you forgot to send back to Columbia Record House in time so you're stuck with it.
Hey, did you know that Trump believes his impeachment is a "hoax" and a "disgrace"? He sure does. He also fully exonerated himself by confessing some more. His lawyers should remind him about that whole "right to remain silent," but then someone would have to tell them.
Trump also beat up on the media. He said if we could "straighten out the press" we would "have a place that would be so incredible," like presumably Brigadoon or Putin's Russia. He claimed once again that the press is "so dishonest," as if journalists aren't accountable to libel laws. Trump's evidence of dishonesty is the absence of positive stories about him.
TRUMP: The corruption in the media, as I call it "the fake news media," is unbelievable... People got Pulitzer Prizes for their coverage of me, and it turned out they were totally wrong. Other people -- Sean Hannity, Rushbo, a lot of great people, a lot of great writers. They got it right. They didn't get Pulitzer Prizes.
The Pulitzer Prize Board might take the president's recommendations more seriously if he didn't call Rush Limbaugh "Rushbo." It's like your momma calling an awards committee on your behalf and demanding, "Why did you snub my snookums?" There is no serious journalism award for best reacharound of a sitting president. Nothing Sean Hannity or Limbaugh have ever done professionally is worthy of a prize from Pulitzer or a box of Cracker Jack. Their reward for slavish service to the president is a round of golf on the taxpayer's dime.
Then there was this sitdown with CNBC's Joe Kernen, who asked him about the senselessly rich Elon Musk. What you're about to see are real words coming out of a fake president's dumb mouth.
TRUMP: [Musk's] also doing the rockets. He likes rockets. He does good at rockets, too, by the way. I never saw where the engines come down with no wings, no anything, and they're landing. I said, ''I've never seen that before.''
Trump expressed his concern for Musk, which is a lie because Trump is physically incapable of caring about anyone but himself. Trump called Musk "one of our great geniuses" who we have to "protect" from unstated threats. Just a few weeks ago, the president blocked an extension of the electric vehicle tax credit, which was a blow to Musk's company, Tesla. Now Trump is all Team Musk.
TRUMP: We have to protect our geniuses. We have to protect Thomas Edison.
Someone needs to inform Trump that Edison is long past protecting.
TRUMP: We have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the lightbulb, the wheel, and all of these things.
Trump's "we" usually means the US because he's all "America first," but the wheel wasn't created in America. It was invented thousands of years ago -- just a few months longer than the Trump administration feels.
The president did give an actual speech at Davos, and it was terrible. The agenda involved combatting climate change, and Trump is a "climate denialist," the media's polite term for "moron."
TRUMP: To embrace the possibilities of tomorrow, we must reject the perennial prophets of doom and their predictions of the apocalypse ... They are the errors of yesterday's fortune tellers and we have them and I have them and they want to see us do badly, but we don't let that happen.
Wait, does Trump have the "errors" or "yesterday's fortune tellers"? Never mind. It's all just anti-science gibberish. He later took more pot shots at the teenage girl he likes to cyberbully. He told the Wall Street Journal that he doesn't know much about climate activist Greta Thunberg, who spoke before him at Davos. (She even used words that were arranged in a rational order.) He does know enough, though, to conclude that she's "very angry." Thunberg is passionate, not angry. There is a difference that Trump -- like many similarly ignorant men -- will never comprehend. He is also bizarrely obsessed with Thunberg, who is 17 years old, "beating" him out of Time magazine's "Person of the Year." He's not even self-aware enough to remove himself from the running for the year he's impeached.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).