Stupidest Man On Internet Says Fake Joe Biden Fake Drove Fake Truck Fake Fake Fake-ity Fake Fake

Conspiracy theories

Oh Jim Hoft, we don't spend enough time with you anymore. Sometimes the low-hanging fruit is just too low.

But hey, why not, let's see what's lurking around inside the Stupidest Man On The Internet's Ass today:

Oh God help us. The new conspiracy theory is that Joe Biden was faking it when he drove the new electric Ford F-150 Lightning Tuesday. If you knew nothing else about Joe Biden besides that he beat the shit out of Donald Trump in the 2020 election, you know he's a car guy. And according to Jim Hoft, car guy Joe Biden spontaneously fake drove a truck to fool America into believing ... SOMETHING!


Hoft explains, with zero actual evidence, that "Following his speech, the declining septuagenarian was put in an electric vehicle where he pretended to be driving. This was all a show by his handlers to make Joe Biden look like he's in charge."

He just like ... typed that. He just made it up, just "obvious fake president fake drove fake truck fakely" ANNNNNNNND hit publish!

Jesus Christ.

Below, Hoft attempts to show some "evidence" that Joe Biden is too senile to drive "truck." It is two different pictures of the dash of the new electric Ford F-150 Lightning and a screenshot of a tweet from some nameless unimportant wingnut on Twitter claiming this F-150 Lightning has TWO STEERING WHEELS. If you visit Hoft's blog, note that the two pictures don't appear to show the same dash features anyhow, and we certainly don't have pictures of the dash of the vehicle Biden drove the other day.

As further evidence, Hoft posts this video, some kind of inbred goddamn impression of a Zapruder film, which he says PROVES that a SECRET SERVICE was REALLY driving the truck, with SECOND STEERING WHEEL. (It appears the agent's hand is on the dash. It also appears there is some shit covering parts of the dash, perhaps because the truck hadn't been unveiled yet, just like the body is wrapped.)

Hoft ends by offering his hardest piece of evidence yet:

Notice at the end that Joe Biden is turning the wheel to the right but the car is not turning.
It was all a stunt.

Apparently Jim Hoft has never driven a car and doesn't realize that if you pull into a place and your tires aren't straight, you often have to turn the wheel to straighten out. Indeed, if you watch the original video, you see Biden turning the wheel this way and that while he talks to reporters. The footage of him turning the wheel to the right is from the end, right before Biden guns it. So if the tires ended up pointed left, Biden would have had to turn the steering wheel to the OH GOD WHY THE FUCK ARE WE TRYING TO EXPLAIN THINGS TO KNOWN LIARS WHO ARE ALSO THE STUPIDEST MAN ON THE INTERNET.

If you're still not convinced Jim Hoft is just making up shit — Jim Hoft so rarely gets things wrong, after all! — Newsweek and others have factchecked the claim, noting that the entire conspiracy theory is based on this one video, and that there were other people there that day, and that other people took pictures, and that in some of those other pictures, you can clearly see that 1) there is no second steering wheel and 2) Jim Hoft's entire brain is made of opossum testicles. (WONKETTE INSTANT FACTCHECK: Newsweek did not say that thing about Jim Hoft's brain being made of opossum testicles. Our bad.)

Zachary Petrizzo reports at Salon that the conspiracy theory has taken off among the absolute stupidest people God ever made:

By mid-afternoon Wednesday the article already been shared over 3,000 times on Facebook alone, according to SharedCount.com. The article continues to trend on social media platforms despite the clear falsehood — according to photos, video and eyewitness account from reporters Biden was clearly driving the vehicle, with two hands firmly on the wheel.

Christ.

And now we are all stupider, because we had to read a Jim Hoft thing.

In summary and in conclusion, this is your third and final "Truck" post of the week, unless Wonkette decides to become a truck blog, in which case suck it Car & Driver, we are coming for your ass.

[Gateway Pundit / Salon]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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