Stupidest Man On Internet Proves Michael Brown Autopsy Is Complete Fraud
In one of the more bizarre twists in the right's coverage of the police killing of Michael Brown, Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, is now trying to prove that the privately arranged second autopsy of Brown is a complete fraud, somehow, which proves that Officer Darren Wilson did not really kill him or maybe he is not even really dead.
In a piece that carefully avoids any mention of the autopsy's lead pathologist, former New York City Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Michael Baden, Hoft purports to "expose" Shawn Parcells, who assisted Baden, as an unqualified liar. And of course, since Baden is never mentioned, Hoft conveniently suggests that the entire autopsy is invalid. Apparently, it's vital to discredit Parcells for suggesting that Brown's injuries support eyewitness accounts that Brown wheeled around to face Officer Darren Wilson after one shot hit his arm, and that his hands may have been in a raised position when some of the shots hit. So let's do a post-mortem report on this attempt at character assassination!
Hoft treats us to this appropriately screamy bolded and all-caps lede:
Oh, good grief!
The self-proclaimed expert who held a national press conference on the Mike Brown shooting is NOT A DOCTOR.
He holds a degree in a NON-EXISTENT MEDICAL FIELD.
Wow! What a scoop! So this guy has been going around claiming to be a doctor, and he's not? Outrageous! Except, of course, for the minor detail that Parcells never called himself a doctor, and nobody who introduced him at the press conference the other day called him a doctor. At the presser, he introduced himself as "Professor Shawn Parcells," and Dr. Baden simply called him "Shawn Parcells," saying that he had been "instrumental in the autopsy evaluation." Lookie!
Now, we WILL take issue with Mr. Parcells calling himself "Professor," seeing as how he has actually served only as an adjunct professor at Wichita State, and is not a Ph.D. in a tenure-track appointment. But he was a real adjunct professor, so maybe we can grant him a bit of vanity title inflation. As far as we can tell, he's never claimed to be an MD.
That he has never claimed to be an MD does not stop Hoft from accusing Parcells of having "a degree in a NON-EXISTENT MEDICAL FIELD." Leaving aside the ontological question of how a person can "have a degree" in something that "doesn't exist," let's just see where Hoft got the idea that Parcells is lying about a degree, which further proves that the autopsy was a fraud, which further proves that all of this ruckus about Officer Wilson killing Michael Brown is wholly unjustified. Hoft provides the answer himself, from a hit piece on Parcells by the
Washington, DC Kansas City* Fox affiliate, with Hoft's boldface added in:
Parcells owns National Forensic Autopsy and Recovery Services. He says lawyers for the family of Michael Brown contacted him because of his expertise in gunshot wounds.
“I am a forensic pathologist assistant and medical investigator,” Parcells told FOX 4’s Shannon O’Brien.
However, that’s something of a dubious title according to forensic pathologist Dr. Erik Mitchell.
“That is a degree that does not exist in my knowledge, except in the mind of Shawn Parcells,” Dr. Mitchell said.
Dr. Mitchell takes issue with Parcells’ title.
“You cannot claim the title, because it is a formal, licensable position. You can assist somebody; in this way I can say, for instance, I have paid my taxes, so I am an assistant President of the United States,” Dr. Mitchell said.
Hahaha, that Shawn Parcells is TOTALLY LYING ABOUT HIS DEGREE, except for the part where he was describing what he does, and the only person who said anything about a "degree" was Mitchell, the MD who criticized him. And there you have it: A doctor in a Fox story says there's no such thing, so there is no such thing. Not that Parcells even claimed to have a "degree" as a "forensic pathologist assistant."
Now, is Shawn Parcells actually qualified to assist in forensic pathology examinations? In Missouri, the question of his qualifications was actually raised in 2013 in the St Louis Post-Dispatch and later on a forensic pathology blog; the blogger also allowed Parcells to publish a detailed rebuttal to the Post-Dispatch story. We won't claim to have weighed every single point in those three pieces, but we can at the very least say that nowhere in any of them does Parcells claim to be an MD, nor does he claim to have a degree, non-existent or otherwise, that he does not have. Most importantly, he is not, and has never claimed to be, the lead investigator in the Brown autopsy. In a follow-up comment, Parcells also insists that he has always worked "under the strict request and guidance of a licensed pathologist." We wonder if Mr. Hoft is in the habit of screaming at dental hygienists, "You're not a dentist!"
And again, let's just remember that in his haste to moan "What a circus!" and to paint Parcells as a liar, Hoft never mentions Dr. Michael Baden, the one with an MD, who led the second autopsy on Michael Brown's body last Sunday. Still, congratulations, Jim Hoft: you conclusively proved that the guy who assisted in the autopsy is not a doctor -- which he never claimed to be -- and that he doesn't have a degree that he never claimed to have. Without any credible facts to undermine the autopsy's findings -- which are that Brown's injuries seem consistent with the eyewitness testimony -- Hoft blew one hell of a smokescreen and suggested that the autopsy was invalid, without actually disproving a single aspect of it. All of which seems like what Hoft and friends might call, ahem, a False Flag! -- because Michael Brown is still dead, and the St. Louis County Police Department has yet to offer a coherent explanation for that.
We tremble at the thought of what Jim Hoft may next set out to prove -- perhaps he will demonstrated that, despite writing at a mommyblog, Yr Doktor Zoom is not actually a mommy.
*Correction: Yr Doktor Zoom obviously needs a prescription update for his bifocals: Read "fox4kc" as "fox4dc" and mistakenly identified the station location. Apologies for the error.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.