Stupidest Man On Internet Says Barack Obama All Potted Up On Marijuana Gummy Bear Drugs!
Obama in Washington AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man On The Internet, offers us some shocking news about Barack Obama and his constant popping of pot-infused gummy bears, courtesy of wackaloon conspiracy theorist Ed Klein, who's out pushing a new bad book. Klein is the genius who revealed that Hillary Clinton is a big butch hair-ruffling bulldagger, and whose 2005 book-shaped object The Truth About Hillary was so poorly-sourced that a whole bunch of rightwingers condemned it.
Klein has a new Great Book out, called All Out War: The Plot to Destroy Trump, and Tuesday he went on a radio show hosted by Janet Mefferd to promote his newest scholarship. Mefferd isn't quite Alex Jones, but she does love a good conspiracy story, having hosted folks complaining that Cosmos didn't give equal time to creationism, that sicko parents will soon start marrying their own kids, and that Obamacare would be enforced at gunpoint by a secret army. She's fretted herself that Christians will soon be forced to wear a yellow patch on their sleeves, because Barack Obama was actually Hitler.
Mr. Klein has some good news for Wingnut America: You won't have to worry about Barack Obama coming back to be a tyrant all over again, because even though Dems keep trying to get him to set up a shadow government, he's simply too stoned all the time to bother (there's an embed of the audio over at Gateway Pundit if you're a masochist):
According to my sources, despite all the efforts on the part of the Democratic party to get the former president engaged he’s, uh, totally disengaged, he’s, uh, as you just said, playing video games like a teenager, going back to his “Choom gang” days in Hawai’i when he smoked pot.
He’s popping gummy bears infused with cannabis… all this comes from a source of mine who actually has smoked marijuana with him since he left the White House. [emphasis added by Hoft]
Yeppers, that's the Barry Obama we know and love, all right. And a source who has toked up with Obama told Klein all this, so you know it must be true. Hoft offers his own semiliterate analysis of why it's no surprise that Barack Obama hasn't turned out to be "the warrior that many expected him to be":
I must confess that knowing 1. Obama doesn’t like people (according to a former staffer), 2. that he’s far from the most disciplined of men, and 3. that he may still have some bad habits from his younger days I somewhat expected this.
But wait! Hoft also warns that just because The Enemy may be wandering around playing Mario Kart 64 and potted up on weed like the manchild they all know he is, that's no reason for wingnuts to be complacent, adding this important caution from a reader:
Part of me wants to laugh at this, Jim, yet another part is very uneasy tonight. This is who “we” elected for two four year terms, and given tonight’s Virginia and New Jersey results there are many who would be happy to have such a man in office again (and ignore things like this). Also, remembering how past despots choose people who think like them, he’s got far too many of his own “shadow government” (Mr. Klein’s term) in place already.
We’re only in a reprieve, and we must keep vigilant for our nation.
How true this is! If we ever shake off our weed-induced stupor and put down the videogame controllers, we filthy liberals might vote for despots like Obama, and there's no guarantee that Donald Trump will be able to extirpate the liberal menace, so keep vigilant.
Hoft's readers ate it up, so to speak, mostly agreeing that Obama had to have been toking up in the White House, as well as using far harder stuff and having gay orgies, and why don't we drug test our black presidents, huh? As if he was even a legitimate president at all, with his forged birth certificate. Besides, he had to have been stoned to be able to stomach "sharing a bed with that man called Michelle," haw haw haw.
So, THAT'S what we used to see him chewing! I'm sure he had a good supply of crack pipes hanging around the White House too. He's our first drug addict (p)resident. No wonder he never mentioned the opioid problem.
Yr Dok Zoom made the mistake of pointing out that wasn't quite so, linking to a LA Times story about Obama announcing grants for opioid treatment, but that didn't count, no not at all:
that wasn't until August of LAST YEAR, when the worthless jerk was about to be booted OUT of OFFICE. Once again, no wonder he never mentioned the opioid epidemic for EIGHT YEARS.
We tried posting another link, to a White House announcement of a summit of health experts in 2014, but by that point our replies were being deleted, so there's the final word: Barack Obama never mentioned the opioid crisis, and when he did, it didn't count because he was about to be BOOTED OUT OF OFFICE. By the end of his term.
You want to stay vigilant? Remember the terrifying warning from Diane on "Cheers": These people are allowed to vote and drive cars.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.