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Hello Desperadoes!! It's post-Labor Day Tuesday, and we all had the day off! (Thank a labor union.) Time to run down and look at the dumb or fucked up things said on the political shows, so let's get started.

We begin with Senator of Wisconsin and former Roy Moore enabler Ron Johnson.

Took me 15 minutes to distinguish him from every other bland, basic, old white guy...

Appearing on "This Week," he tried to make an argument for why Brett Kavanaugh should be confirmed to the Supreme Court:

JOHNSON: I mean, Democrats have more than enough information to understand that this is a highly qualified jurist that should be the next Supreme Court justice. In -- in an earlier time, 30 years ago, he would have passed unanimously. It's unfortunate that -- that Ted Kennedy began this process of very divisive confirmation battles for the Supreme Court.

Thirty years ago, Kavanaugh was a Yale grad but not yet started in his "illustrious" legal career, which began in 1990. A career filled with such highlights as writing a legal memo during the Starr Investigation asking these questions:

  • If Monica Lewinsky says that you inserted a cigar into her vagina while you were in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?
  • If Monica Lewinsky says that on several occasions in the Oval Office area, you used your fingers to stimulate her vagina and bring her to orgasm, would she be lying?
  • If Monica Lewinsky says that she gave you oral sex on nine occasions in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?
  • If Monica Lewinsky says that you ejaculated into her mouth on two occasions in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?
  • If Monica Lewinsky says that on several occasions you had her give her oral sex, made her stop, and then ejaculated into the sink in the bathroom off the Oval Office, would she be lying?
  • If Monica Lewinsky says that you masturbated into a trashcan in your secretary's office, would she be lying?

Also if we are going back on the ol' way back machines, 30 years ago Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush had this to say about immigration:

That clip shows you how far the Overton Window has been moved by Republicans over 30 years. In fact, it's stunning that both would qualify as centrist Democrats now AND how almost anything decent sounds like a rebuke of Donald Trump by nature.

But Ron Johnson wasn't the only one making bad arguments for Kavanaugh this Sunday.

Here is Senator Dan Sullivan on "Meet The Press" doing backflips to not answer the question of overturning Roe v. Wade while dog whistling that THEY TOTALLY WILL:

CHUCK TODD: When he says he believes in precedent, all right, when we hear that, that's supposed to be code for he's not for overturning Roe v. Wade. Is that how people should interpret, when he says he is a believer in precedent overall, that that's what every American should take away, that Brett Kavanaugh does not want to overturn Roe v. Wade?

SEN. DAN SULLIVAN
: Look, I've known Brett Kavanaugh for a long time. I think he was an inspired choice. I think he'd make a great justice on the Supreme Court. He's been an outstanding federal circuit court of appeals judge. He's a man who's got a lot of humility, which, as you know, is kind of a rare quality in this town. I did talk to him about precedent. Like Judge Gorsuch, now Justice Gorsuch, he actually wrote a book on it. He's been very focused on it. With regard to Roe v. Wade, I didn't get into the details, when I met with him, of asking about that.

CHUCK TODD
: Okay.

SEN. DAN SULLIVAN
: But I mean I -- so --

CHUCK TODD
: You see how silly this is, though, to average Americans? They don't understand why we can't get a simple answer to this question from Supreme Court nominees. And I know this is a thing on both sides of the aisle. But why can't we get that answer to this simple question about Roe v. Wade?

Oh Chuck Todd. All you have to do is listen to Senator Lindsey Graham say the quite part out loud on "Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace":

WALLACE: One issue that pro-choice senators of both sides have pressed Kavanaugh on in their meetings with him on Capitol Hill is abortion. And Kavanaugh reportedly told them that Roe v. Wade is, quote, "settled law." Is that a firm commitment in your regard, in your view, to not overturn Roe? And if it is a firm commitment, how can you as a pro-life senator support him?

GRAHAM
: I wouldn't vote for anybody that says that every decision of the Supreme Court cannot be revisited. They revisit through a process. There's a process of overturning long precedent. There's a four-part test you have to apply. From my point of view, what he will do is when that case comes, if it ever does, you just don't wake up one day and say, hey, I'd like to overturn Roe v. Wade. If there's a conflict that makes it to the Supreme Court, he will apply the test of precedent to that decision, Roe v. Wade, and every other precedent.

WALLACE
: But to make it clear, you're saying you don't view his statement, for instance, to Senator Collins, a pro-choice Republican, that settled law means that therefore it can't be re-examined and conceivably overturned?

GRAHAM
: He would be disqualified, in my opinion, if you would not listen to both sides of the story and decide accordingly. This idea that Roe v. Wade is going to be challenged at state level, there are all kinds of laws out there. Some may work their way up to Supreme Court. He will give great deference I'm sure to Roe v. Wade. But it can be overturned like every other decision but that will be up to the facts on the record.

We conclude with former NJ Governor and amateur Trump twerker, Chris Christie!

Now you too cannot UNSEE this. You're welcome!

Giphy

Appearing on ABC's "This Week with George Stephanopoulos" (minus a Stephanopoulos), Christie was part of a panel discussing the many eulogies and remembrances during John McCain's funeral. Martha Raddatz pointed out that many seemed to be a rebuke of a man so shitty that he was disinvited from two funerals. Christie, however, had an objection to this as well as a different view of the coverage:

CHRISTIE: That's the guy I remember. That's the guy who they were talking about yesterday in that cathedral. And quite frankly, I think the tribute to John McCain should be us talking about that. Next week we can talk about all the political ramifications, but quite frankly...

Wait ... McCain has not been tribute ENOUGH?! What the hell does he think has been going on all week? In fact, the reason there was no Sunday Rundown last week was that every show was remembering the life and service of Senator John McCain. Even we here paid respect to the flawed legacy of McCain.

Raddatz pointed this bullshit out herself:

RADDATZ: Governor Christie, we've been talking about it all week and we've been certainly talking about the heroism of John McCain and carried that live on Saturday.

This is the "this is not the time for politics" excuse that is used by people in power to shut down conversation or protest. The calls for "civility" coming from either guys who's brand is being uncivil assholes like Christie himself and his Commander Trump or self-righteous dicks like Marco Rubio.

To Christie (and Rubio), on behalf of Wonkette: Fuck off. You don't get to be outraged or 'civil' while Trump is actively the worst anything in existence. Also, Christie, do you mind getting that $625 million back to the NJ pension fund from David Pecker? Seriously. That's about as insulting as mentioning Trump at McCain's funeral. Right, Mike Pence?

If she had heat vision, Pence would have been fried in front of "Mother"

So until next week, keep giving side eye at this fuckery like Megs McCain.

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Michael Mora

Pop Culture observer & Comics fan. Amateur Movie Reviewer. Political Freelance Writer @wonkette. Marine, Husband & Dad. Opinions are mine only.

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