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Hello Wonks! It was a big Friday, with sentencing memos, and John Kelly, and Jim Comey, and ... oh lord, so many things. So what did the Sunday shows do? They brought on Marco Rubio, Rand Paul and Rick Santorum to lie like a common Individual 1.

Appearing on CBS's "Face The Nation," Rubio seems to STILL be waiting for MORE information in the Russia investigation before drawing conclusions:

SENATOR RUBIO: ...That said, obviously you know, you read some of these details, we're going to wait for more information. We're doing our own probe in the Senate Intelligence Committee. And I'm usually cautious about discussing the matter of the Russian interference portion of it because we're not done with our work yet. I can tell you this, that some of the things that have come out over the last couple weeks, particularly with regards to Mr. Cohen, has-- have led the committee to go back and interview witnesses or attempt to interview additional witnesses again based on other testimony in the past. Clearly these are things that are to be taken into account and seriously and I would caution everyone just continue to wait until all of this plays out. But-- but it's important that-- that we-- that this continue to move forward.

This word salad was so stupid, Margaret Brennan had to ask Rubio to clarify and then he doubled down on denial:

MARGARET BRENNAN: So, I understand you saying there that you stand by the President.

SENATOR RUBIO: Well, again there's nothing-- there's not-- there's no reason to not stand by anybody in this moment. There are pleadings, there are cases, there are evidence, we're going to wait for all of it to be out there. And I would caution everyone to wait for all of it to be out there until you make judgment. Your judgment may not change but nonetheless judgments should be made on the basis of all the information that is before you. That is most certainly what we're doing in-- in the U.S. Senate Intelligence Committee. So, as I've said repeatedly, I believe that Mr. Mueller's probe should continue and move forward unimpeded. Both of those findings will be there before the American public. We'll see what it all shows when put together and we'll move on from there and-- and see what needs to be done.

So "Little Marco" is still waiting to make proclamations until he "has all the facts"... unless it's about a fake voter fraud conspiracy in Florida, of course.

Another way to spin things is to outright lie or come up with the stupidest possible excuses, like Kentucky senator and walking proof of objectivist theory failures, Rand Paul.

On NBC's "Meet The Press," Rand Paul had a very logical explanation for Michael Cohen pleading guilty to committing fraud on behalf of and directed by "Individual 1" (Trump):

SENATOR PAUL: ...But I think it's bigger than this. And I think we have to decide in our society if -- there are thousands and thousands of rules. It's incredibly complicated, campaign finance. We have to decide whether or not really criminal penalties are the way we should approach criminal finance. I personally think that if someone makes an error in filing paperwork or in not categorizing a campaign contribution correctly, it shouldn't be jail time. It ought to be a fine. And so it's just like a lot of other things that we've done in Washington. We've over-criminalized campaign finance.

Yes! Who among us has not filled out paperwork incorrectly and inadvertently committed massive fraud and helped an unqualified human colostomy bag be elected President of the United States? Let he who has not cast the first stone.

Rand Paul is a lying douche. I can now see why his neighbor beat the shit out him (the real "Bowling Green Massacre").

Let's end today on Rick Santorum. Now normally Santorum makes an appearance for saying something stupid or racist or downright false, but this is NOT one of those days! While speaking on CNN's "State of The Union" about the departure of Chief of Staff John Kelly, Santorum ACTUALLY made a concise point about Kelly's entire tenure!

RICK SANTORUM: Yes. I think the lockdown tough general that Trump respects didn't work, didn't work in controlling Trump.

Santorum is right, Kelly was an outright failure at the one thing he was expected to do. The only thing he succeeded in doing is tarnishing his military service and exposing what a racist, lying bigot looks like in the highest echelons of the military. So much so, that it actually got me to agree with an article from The Intercept:

Come back next week, when everybody explains that a president getting indicted is fine, just fine!

Michael Mora

Pop Culture observer & Comics fan. Amateur Movie Reviewer. Political Freelance Writer @wonkette. Marine, Husband & Dad. Opinions are mine only.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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