Glenn Beck Loudly SELF-DEPORTS (From Brian Stelter's Sunday Show)

Hello Wonks! Welcome back to another Sunday Show Roundup! After a shit week filled with cruelty,half-ass fixes,and karmicjustice ... we find ourselves at another precipice in the hellscape we all inhabit. So before we are faced with new horrors, let's make fun of some idiots who really deserve it!

We begin with discount Paul Ryan and former Trump Homeland Security Adviser, Tom Bossert. Appearing in his new job as ABC contributor on This Week with George Stegosaurus, Bossert proceeded to drop some unintentional truths in his defense of his former boss's cruel and idiotic "Zero Tolerance" policy:'s time for us to put a little bit of money and a lot more time of focus for the American viewers into the second part of this president's immigration strategy. And that is to put real, sustainable, buildable money into the institutional reforms in those three northern triangle countries -- Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras -- that they need to prevent this plague from coming into American.

: Boy, it sound like the president last night, when he was talking to Mike Huckabee, was questioning whether we should be sending aid to Honduras.

: Yes, I hope he doesn't -- I hope he doesn't go down that path.

See, the reason we are dealing with the influx of asylum seekers and the cruelty of these "First Order" wannabes is because of the bad state of the countries they are fleeing from. While trying to make a case for why we should focus on the "second part" of immigration reform, Bossert inadvertently allowed Stegosaurus to point out that Trump in an "exclusive" interview with Mike Huckabee (nothing weird there) pointed out that he wanted to CUT aid to those countries, thus exacerbating the situation further and creating a bigger refugee crisis. A crisis that he was not prepared for from the beginning as Bossert pointed out:'re going to see the same political fight, because last five Congresses that have refused to provide money for the facilities necessary to handle the capacity have done so because they don't want us to catch and detain, they want us, by depriving the executive branch of money, to catch and release.

Because, much like cutting funding for embassy security prior to Benghazi attack, Republicans cut the funding needed to prevent problems and then scream & blame the other party when the lack of funding has disastrous consequences.

Now that we dealt with a little accidental truth, lets go to CNN State of The Union with Jake Tapper for some easily debunked lies. During the panel discussion, David Urban -- CNN political commentator and cover model for NO NECKS MONTHLY for 3 straight months -- went on to throw the usual lies while sporting a bandage on his chin (which I can only assume was injured on Trump's tail bone). After feigning compassion, yet saying that asylum seekers "broke the law" so they should be jailed, this exchange happened between Urban and Neera Tanden from Center For American Progress:

TANDEN: Yes, because they are fleeing violence, threats of murder, death, et cetera. And that's why they're trying to come here. And they said to go to the ports of entry but no one is letting -- being allowed in at the ports of entry so that's why they went another way. And the truth of this is we have learned a great deal which is the Trump administration had a policy of ripping children from their parents in order to --
URBAN: No, no, no, no, no, no. Neera --
TANDEN: No, no. General Kelly -- General Kelly --
URBAN: It is zero tolerance policy. The policy --
TANDEN: General Kelly literally said to CNN that the part of the strategy...
URBAN: I'm not going to let you say it. It's not true. It's not true.

Not only is it true, but Jefferson Keebler Beauregard Sessions said the same before trying to gaslight us into thinking he didn't. I guess they think Trump's "not true" debate strategy actually works. Also what is this "I'm not going to LET YOU say it" bullshit? No one asked you for permission, Discount Michael Chiklis! Go fuck right off with that.

The final entry is a bit of a "Ghost of Christmas Past" who is now trying to repent by lecturing the rest of us after he saw his legacy (and fortune) disappear. Once upon a time, there was a conspiracy theorist who flew so high from October 2008-June 2011 on winds made of blackboards, "FEMA Camps," calling President Obama a "marxist" and creating a media empire that brought us the prenatal version of Kellyanne Conway (Tomi Lahren). As the empire grew, others like Lahren, Alex Jones, Candace Owens, Mike Cernovich & Milo took conspiracies and ratcheted them to unbelievable levels, making the once novel originator seem like what he always was: an attention seeking charlatan. So he tried a last ditch effort of "repentance" which happened to coincide with his media empire imploding.

This is the saga of Glenn Beck.

Finding himself on CNN Reliable Sources, he proceeded to lecture how the "mainstream media" was becoming him:

You have become me, circa 2009. None of you are willing to listen to what you're doing, and you're dividing us even more.

He pointed out things like how the "media" was obsessed about these ICE camps like he was obsessed with "FEMA camps" (the only difference being that the ICE camps are actually real), and how liberals were to blame for Trump's idiotic immigration policies and both are responsible for the worsening of the discourse:

All they're doing is playing politics, and the American people are tired of it. They're watching you two, the media and Donald Trump, playing this little game of back and forth, and they're sick of it.

Because after spending the majority of President Obama's presidency making political discourse toxic, what we need is Beck lecturing the rest of us. For seven excruciating minutes, Brian Stelter objected to some of Beck's points mixed with cross talk leading into awkward silences. This went on until Stelter asked Beck about a Daily Beast story of the implosion of TheBlaze. That is when Beck awkwardly ended the interview by saying "I think that's the most ridiculous question I've ever heard." Mind you, Glenn Beck has heard such notable things as:

  • "This President, I think, has exposed himself as a guy over and over and over again who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture" (2009).
  • "Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization" (2007).
  • "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it." (2005)
  • "When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining." (2005)
  • "The only [Katrina victims] we're seeing on television are the scumbags." (2005)
  • "So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. ... Eugenics. In case you don't know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. ... The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening." (2009)
  • "You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one – I can't speak for you, but I'm on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show." (2006)

He heard these things, of course, when they came out of his mouth.

Let this be a lesson to all the wannabes currently gaining money and notoriety from following in Beck's footsteps: This is your future.

So with that prophetic warning to the "intellectual dark web," we conclude this week's recap. Hope you enjoyed the glimpse into the three stages of sycophancy! Join us next week as I recap another roundup of Sunday stupid. Until then, I'm going to relax by watching a bullet proof person of color deal some of the justice I wish we would get in the real world


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Michael Mora

Your friendly neighborhood Puerto Rican Political Freelance Writer for @wonkette. Pop Culture observer, Amateur Movie reviewer & Comics fan. Former Active Duty Marine. All opinions are mine only.


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