Super Christian Donald Trump Big Fan Of God And His Blowhard Son Jesus
The similarity is uncanny
What the hell is President Baby Hands trying to distract us from now? Wednesday morning, he tweeted a royal edict banning transgender folks from serving in the military, to which the Pentagon, Republican senators and literally everybody else replied, "What? Fuck you."
And now that trifling orange piece of shit is on Twitter again, saying "BLOBBER BLOBBER BLOBBER" about God:
The link goes to a video on the official presidential InstaCandyGram page, of Trump saying the same thing to the human pork rinds who came to his Tuesday night Hitler rally.
You know, because he's such a God-fearing, religious man.
We bring this up because after Trump tweeted it, Brian Tashman of the Right Wing Watch blog website retweeted it and flagged a 1990 interview Trump did with Playboy, where he explained what an egomaniacal blowhard Jesus Christ, Prince of Peace, really was:
How large a role does pure ego play in your deal making and enjoyment of publicity?
Every successful person has a very large ego.
Every successful person? Mother Teresa? Jesus Christ?
Far greater egos than you will ever understand.
Trump, who is an expert at Bible, is probably referring to this famous Red Letter passage from the gospels, you know, after all that gay-ass "Blessed are the meek" shit in the Beatitudes:
I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing Mary Magdalene. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. I just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re Jesus, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.
Shut up, it IS TOO in the Bible, you fucking heathens.
But anyway yeah, Trump really likes that "God" character. He demands loyalty oaths and daily worship, and He even sends people to eternal suffering (THE ULTIMATE "YOU'RE FIRED!") if they disagree with Him. (At least according to hateful fundamentalist interpretations of the Good Book.) God's angels don't "recuse themselves" from following His orders, and He certainly doesn't have to beg some Jew named Rod Rosenstein to fire his naysayers. He simply speaks things into existence and BING BONG!
God wins so much He gets tired of winning.
As for Jesus: YOOGE EGO. TREMENDOUS. Crucified on a gold-plated cross between two Mexican rapists, some of whom were lovely people, He imagines. On the third day He rose again and it was terrific. Got so much pussy that day.
Trump, of course, has shown us the depths of his religious faith before, like when he talked about how much he likes chowing down on the Jesus crackers at church, or when he wanted to tell Sarah Palin his favorite Bible verse, but then reconsidered because that's private information, like the contents of his tax returns. Oh, and "Two Corinthians." #NeverForgetTwoCorinthians
Anyway, the whole Playboy interview is interesting and horrifying and stupid, if you want to read it. As for yr Wonkette, we will continue serving the Lord, like our president does.
Wonkette salaries are fully paid by donations from lovely folks like you! If you love us, click below to pay our salaries!
[Playboy but not the nakey parts so it's SFW]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.