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Everyone's favorite lawyer type person Larry Klayman is back -- and he is SUING. He is suing all the people he believes are trying to start a "race war" against white people.

According to a Southern Poverty Law Center report on the lawsuits, which he filed last fall, both center around Klayman and Dallas Police Officer Patrick Zamarripa. Zamarripa was one of five people killed last year by Micah Johnson, a black separatist who said he was trying to draw attention to the police killings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. One of the lawsuits is on behalf of Zamarripa's father.

The gist of these lawsuits is essentially that Johnson went on this rampage because all these people are pretending that black people are being unfairly killed by police, in order to get them to start killing white people, specifically white police officers. Which does not at all seem like a thing that is happening in reality.

In the lawsuit filed on behalf of Zamarippa's father, Klayman claims:

"[E]ach of them have publicly incited people to violence against the Plaintiff and other members of the class herein with the fiction that blacks and other minorities are being arrested and prosecuted disproportionately to the crimes that individual arrestees actually committed.”

OOH! So what people, exactly, are imagineering all of this pretend police violence against black people in order to get black people to kill police officers? Well, Hillary Clinton and Obama for sure, and also all the black people Klayman can name off-hand.

The two lawsuits list most of the same defendants: George Soros, Al Sharpton, members of Black Lives Matter, Louis Farrakhan, the New Black Panther Party, Malik Shabazz, the former chairman of the New Black Panther Party, and the New Black Panther Party for Self-Defense. One of the lawsuits also includes former President Obama, former Attorney General Eric Holder and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Super weird how many white people are trying to start a race war against white people! Is this like a Charles Manson kind of thing? Or is he just trying to find a way to sue all the liberal boogeymen and women in one fell swoop?

Klayman, like pretty much everyone else on the planet who didn't just wake up from a coma they fell into sometime around 1965, clearly doesn't even know what Farrakhan is up to these days! As it turns out -- he is actually quite fond of Donald Trump.

What's next? Is he going to sue Sacheen Littlefeather for accepting Marlon Brando's Oscar and thus being complicit somehow in making people hate the Dakota Access Pipeline? Is he going to sue the remaining Yippies and members of Students for a Democratic Society? My mother? Your mother? Jane Fonda?

Of course, like most of Klayman's other lawsuits, this seems unlikely to actually go through. The DOJ has already filed a motion to dismiss one of the lawsuits, stating that Klayman's “distaste for the stated policies or opinions of the Individual Federal Defendants represents just the sort of generalized grievance insufficient to establish standing.”

I suppose he'll just have to convene another "citizen grand jury" and send them all to jail for ten years, just like he did to President Obama.

[Southern Poverty Law Center]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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