Supreme Court Still Being Really Dramatic About This Leaker Thing

Judging from CNN's reporting this morning, the Supreme Court still seems very committed to performatively having conniptions and hitting the fainting couch over the unprecedented (not unprecedented) leak of Justice Samuel Alito's twisted late night forced birth fantasies.

In related news, since we're hearing about this, that means the very serious and secretive Supreme Court is still leaky!

Supreme Court officials are escalating their search for the source of the leaked draft opinion that would overturn Roe v. Wade, taking steps to require law clerks to provide cell phone records and sign affidavits, three sources with knowledge of the efforts have told CNN.

Three sources! Three blabbering sources with loose lips! Well I never! It's almost like this Supreme Court is just a bevy of partisan hacks and not the esteemed institution we read about in the story books!

Some clerks are apparently so alarmed over the moves, particularly the sudden requests for private cell data, that they have begun exploring whether to hire outside counsel. [...]

Lawyers outside the court who have become aware of the new inquiries related to cell phone details warn of potential intrusiveness on clerks' personal activities, irrespective of any disclosure to the news media, and say they may feel the need to obtain independent counsel.

"That's what similarly situated individuals would do in virtually any other government investigation," said one appellate lawyer with experience in investigations and knowledge of the new demands on law clerks. "It would be hypocritical for the Supreme Court to prevent its own employees from taking advantage of that fundamental legal protection."

This all seems like a lot to avoid asking Ginni Thomas to turn her purse upside down and shake it as she's leaving next time she brings Clarence lunch. You know, allegedly.

CNN notes that if we're talking about this, then that would suggest Chief Justice John Roberts and the investigation he ordered still don't know who did the leak, and right here during such a busy time too. On top of what we imagine is the painstaking work of deleting Alito's citations to 17th century marital rape-defending witch-hunters, the justices and their clerks are probably stressed about all the other cases they're using to destroy America and turn it into a vile pigfucking white fascist hellscape:

The justices are also resolving a New York dispute that could, based on their remarks during oral arguments in November, expand Second Amendment protection for gun owners. Additionally, the court could further lower the wall of separation between church and state by permitting certain prayer at public schools and requiring public vouchers for religious institutions.

As we were saying.

But yes please sure, tell us some more about the very serious leak investigation. Before this, Donald Trump's bought-and-paid-for Supreme Court had so much credibility! And now look at the place, frowny emoji.

As many have noted in the last month, the first leak here appears to have been to the Wall Street Journal at least a week before Alito's dirty talk showed up in Politico. That, or the Journal was just a very good guesser when it started writing all kinds of editorial page nonsense about how it was their "guess" that Alito would write the opinion, and the Court was probably going to overturn Roe, except for how Roberts was trying to make justices do more moderate abortion bans with him, which the Journal was just insinuating would be VERY BAD just like it was when he changed his mind and voted with the libs on Obamacare in 2012.

And then the leakin' just went on and on and on! And now we're hearing leaks about the leak investigation.

Such serious people up there in those vaunted halls, they should definitely be allowed to tell people with uteruses that they are required to stay pregnant forever.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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