YOU GUYS WE ARE ALL GOING GAY RIGHT NOW! Seriously, we've been throwing words at a post for about 30 minutes now but most of them just look like EEEEEEEEE! and YAY! and that is not the high-quality content you expect from yr Wonkette. Let's get down to what you already know because you are a sentient being in America: DOMA has been struck down and now the filthy gays like this particular portion of yr Wonkette can start rolling around in all the delicious federal benefits that straight people are already covered in.

The lineup is pretty much what you would have guessed, in that attention whore Justice Kennedy joined with the 4 liebrul judges to say that it was sorta kinda weird that gay marriages were somehow less valid than other marriages because what the fuck:

In a 5-4 ruling written by Justice Anthony Kennedy, and joined by the liberal-leaning justices, the Court struck down the law that prohibits same-sex couples from receiving federal tax, retirement and immigration benefits. The decision means married couples will be treated equally by the federal government regardless of their sexual orientation.
“DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment," Kennedy wrote for the Court. “DOMA's principal effect is to identify a subset of state-sanctioned marriages and make them unequal."
Kennedy's majority opinion struck down DOMA in part on equal protection and due process grounds and in part because marriage is a state issue, determining that Congress lacks a constitutional basis not to recognize definitions set by states. The four liberal-leaning justices joined his opinion.

There are many many money quotes in Justice Kennedy's decision and as you read them, you should imagine each word as a rage-tear rolling down Bryan Fischer's face:

The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity. By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others... This status is a far-reaching legal acknowledgment of the intimate relationship between two people, a relationship deemed by the State worthy of dignity in the community equal with all other marriages. It reflects both the community's considered perspective on the historical roots of the institution of marriage and its evolving understanding of the meaning of equality.

Isn't that lovely! But you should really read the whole thing. No, really, read it. This is an historic Nice Time moment and you should be a part of it. Yes, it is long. Yes, it is boring. So what. Think of it as a refreshing tonic after the shit sandwich we were forced to eat yesterday regarding voting rights.

Wonkish aside about all this: we cannot actually go full on no-pants ALLCAPS party about today's decisions, because the shadow of yesterday's voting rights decision both casts a pall over future legislative initiatives that might give us even more gay marriages and because it takes away one of the remaining pillars of the Great Society. (See how fancy we can write! Just like a real blog!) We're also busy dealing with our simmering about-to-boil-over anger at Scalia (WE ARE ALWAYS ANGRY ABOUT SCALIA PRETTY MUCH) because yesterday Scalia believed that Congress did not know best when it enacted the VRA, but today he is all like "ohey Congress, fixed up, looking sharp, passing laws like DOMA and we always defer to you on laws you guys." Let Wonkette be the first, but never the last, to say fuck you, Justice Scalia. Fuck. You. Running.

BACK TO NICE TIME! The Supremes also decided the Proposition 8 case today, where a bunch of sad little angerbears from California tilted at windmills and kept demanding that California ban gay marriage even though the courts there had already said naw mang AND the state had refused to defend the ban. Today, the Supremes told those people to go fuck themselves:

In the California case, the court ruled that opponents of same-sex marriage did not have standing to appeal a a lower-court ruling that overturned California's ban. The Supreme Court's ruling appears to remove legal obstacles to same-sex couples marrying in the state, but the court did not issue a broad ruling likely to affect other states.

Californians go get gay married right now! Not gay? Get married anyway! And yes, before you tell us in the comments, we realize that both of these cases are incomplete victories but let's all just bask in what we DO have for a moment, mmmkay?

If you're looking for the inevitable Children's Treasury roundup of angry/sad/garment-rending quotes from notable Twitter idiots like Fischer and his ilk, yr Wonkette is ON IT but we are sifting through SO MUCH STUFF you guys so just sit tight and stop interrupting us. Go run around the block with a rainbow flag or call in sick to work or figure out something else to do with all this joy and schadenfreude. Isn't Nice Time the fucking best you guys?

[TPM/Supreme Court/Lawyers Guns and Money/NYT]

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.


Martin apparently bought the gun after successfully applying for an Illinois state Firearms ID. That license was revoked after he applied for a concealed carry license and was rejected due to his prior felony conviction in Mississippi, but no one bothered to see if he still had a gun.

Via USA Today:

"During the fingerprinting and background process it was discovered that he had a felony conviction for aggravated assault out of Mississippi," [Police Chief Kristen] Ziman said. "It should be noted that this conviction would not have shown up on a criminal background check conducted for an FOID card."

That seems like it might be a problem, no?

It has also since been revealed that Martin had a domestic battery arrest in 2008 in Aurora.


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