YOU GUYS WE ARE ALL GOING GAY RIGHT NOW! Seriously, we've been throwing words at a post for about 30 minutes now but most of them just look like EEEEEEEEE! and YAY! and that is not the high-quality content you expect from yr Wonkette. Let's get down to what you already know because you are a sentient being in America: DOMA has been struck down and now the filthy gays like this particular portion of yr Wonkette can start rolling around in all the delicious federal benefits that straight people are already covered in.

The lineup is pretty much what you would have guessed, in that attention whore Justice Kennedy joined with the 4 liebrul judges to say that it was sorta kinda weird that gay marriages were somehow less valid than other marriages because what the fuck:

In a 5-4 ruling written by Justice Anthony Kennedy, and joined by the liberal-leaning justices, the Court struck down the law that prohibits same-sex couples from receiving federal tax, retirement and immigration benefits.

The decision means married couples will be treated equally by the federal government regardless of their sexual orientation.

“DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment,” Kennedy wrote for the Court. “DOMA’s principal effect is to identify a subset of state-sanctioned marriages and make them unequal.”

Kennedy’s majority opinion struck down DOMA in part on equal protection and due process grounds and in part because marriage is a state issue, determining that Congress lacks a constitutional basis not to recognize definitions set by states. The four liberal-leaning justices joined his opinion.

There are many many money quotes in Justice Kennedy's decision and as you read them, you should imagine each word as a rage-tear rolling down Bryan Fischer's face:

The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity. By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others...

This status is a far-reaching legal acknowledgment of the intimate relationship between two people, a relationship deemed by the State worthy of dignity in the community equal with all other marriages. It reflects both the community’s considered perspective on the historical roots of the institution of marriage and its evolving understanding of the meaning of equality.

Isn't that lovely! But you should really read the whole thing. No, really, read it. This is an historic Nice Time moment and you should be a part of it. Yes, it is long. Yes, it is boring. So what. Think of it as a refreshing tonic after the shit sandwich we were forced to eat yesterday regarding voting rights.

Wonkish aside about all this: we cannot actually go full on no-pants ALLCAPS party about today's decisions, because the shadow of yesterday's voting rights decision both casts a pall over future legislative initiatives that might give us even more gay marriages and because it takes away one of the remaining pillars of the Great Society. (See how fancy we can write! Just like a real blog!) We're also busy dealing with our simmering about-to-boil-over anger at Scalia (WE ARE ALWAYS ANGRY ABOUT SCALIA PRETTY MUCH) because yesterday Scalia believed that Congress did not know best when it enacted the VRA, but today he is all like "ohey Congress, fixed up, looking sharp, passing laws like DOMA and we always defer to you on laws you guys." Let Wonkette be the first, but never the last, to say fuck you, Justice Scalia. Fuck. You. Running.

BACK TO NICE TIME! The Supremes also decided the Proposition 8 case today, where a bunch of sad little angerbears from California tilted at windmills and kept demanding that California ban gay marriage even though the courts there had already said naw mang AND the state had refused to defend the ban. Today, the Supremes told those people to go fuck themselves:

In the California case, the court ruled that opponents of same-sex marriage did not have standing to appeal a a lower-court ruling that overturned California’s ban. The Supreme Court’s ruling appears to remove legal obstacles to same-sex couples marrying in the state, but the court did not issue a broad ruling likely to affect other states.

Californians go get gay married right now! Not gay? Get married anyway! And yes, before you tell us in the comments, we realize that both of these cases are incomplete victories but let's all just bask in what we DO have for a moment, mmmkay?

If you're looking for the inevitable Children's Treasury roundup of angry/sad/garment-rending quotes from notable Twitter idiots like Fischer and his ilk, yr Wonkette is ON IT but we are sifting through SO MUCH STUFF you guys so just sit tight and stop interrupting us. Go run around the block with a rainbow flag or call in sick to work or figure out something else to do with all this joy and schadenfreude. Isn't Nice Time the fucking best you guys?

[TPM/Supreme Court/Lawyers Guns and Money/NYT]

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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