Susan Collins 'Sad' Voters Might Punish HER For Impending Loss Of Reproductive Rights, How Rude!

Susan Collins 'Sad' Voters Might Punish HER For Impending Loss Of Reproductive Rights, How Rude!

Maine GOP Senator Susan Collins has long enjoyed her reputation as America's Reasonable Republican. The kind of Republican that Democratic moderates like to look to and say "See, that is how most actual Republicans are in America! They're not stupid and evil like how everyone they elect is stupid and evil, they are just moderate evil. Just a little 'don't want to pay taxes' evil." The kind of Republican they could have a nice cup of tea with, have "reasonable disagreements with," after which they can say, "We both have the same goals, just different ways of getting there" and feel very satisfied that they are nothing like all those polarized radicals out there.

As a result of this reputation, Democrats have never really mounted a very serious challenge to her Senate seat in Maine. After all, she's pro-choice! There are many more terrible and not-pro-choice Republicans that have been more worth our time!

But then Susan Collins decided being moderate in temperament only is fine, and that she could reasonably get away with voting exactly like all of those wackier Republicans, so long as she was polite about it. She decided that it would probably be a good idea for her to vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, even as we all begged her not to do us like that. And now the motherfucking knives are out. And also the money. So, so much money.

Yesterday, Politico published a report about Collins's fight to keep her seat in an election that is "projected to be the most expensive in Maine's history," while her approval ratings are not quite as good as they used to be. She is running against state House Speaker, Democrat Sara Gideon.

While I initially felt that the safest option would have been for the Dems to back a left-leaning Independent candidate, for reasons of "It's Maine," Gideon is a great choice for the state and has a good chance of kicking Collins's ass in the election. Replacing Collins with Gideon would be super-helpful in achieving the goal of retaking the Senate and getting rid of Mitch McConnell.

Perhaps the most telling portion of the entire article, however, was the point at which Senator Collins lamented that she probably lost some votes when she cast her vote to put Brett Fucking Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court.

"Have I lost some votes because of my decision to support Justice Kavanaugh? Yes, I have. And I'm sad about that because I explained in great depth my decision-making," Collins said. But "there still is an appreciation in Maine for someone who looks at the facts of an issue, votes with integrity and independence."

Aw! What's got into ya, Suzy Creamcheese? Are you sad? Sad that you are going to lose some votes here? Well we are sad too. We are sad that, thanks to your vote, we now have yet another accused sexual predator on the Supreme Court. We are sad that, thanks to what you call your "integrity and independence," Roe v. Wade is likely to be overturned. Reproductive rights, after all, are somewhat integral to our "integrity and independence."

Collins is also sad that we bloodsuckers do not think she does enough to stand up to Donald Trump, mostly because she doesn't do enough to stand up for Trump, like when she voted to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court:

"It's never enough. Never. For those who truly hate the president, I'm never going to be able to do enough for them," Collins said between bites of banh mi, which she frugally tucks into a to-go container before hurrying to a paper mill reopening. "I get tired of the 'she speaks but doesn't act.'"

Oh, the poor dear. She sounds a little bitter. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS BITTER, SUSAN?

Susan Collins will go down in history not as the Reasonable Pro-Choice Republican™️ that everyone felt kind of lukewarm about, but as the bitch who could have stopped Roe from being overturned and didn't. She deserves that and I cannot wait to see Sara Gideon kick her ass right out of the damn Senate.

And if you'd like to help, you can donate to her campaign here.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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