Syria To Invade Texas This Week, Bye Texas!

I am the thing American Idiots are afraid of.

Oh, Texas, it was super nice knowing you and letting you be one of our U.S. American states, but there's an invasion coming, and we don't feel like lifting a solitary finger to save you right now, because you suck:

Two families of Syrian refugees are due to arrive in Texas on Monday despite efforts by the state to prevent them from resettling there, which include a lawsuit it filed last week in federal court to bar them entry.

A family of six composed of two children under age 6, their parents and the children's grandparents are scheduled to arrive in Dallas. Another family of six comprising four children aged 2 to 13 and their parents are set to arrive in Houston, the U.S. Justice Department said in a court filing.

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FUCK! Texas, what are you going to do???? Like, it would be one thing if it was just the old Meemaw Muslims, because as Fox News's Andrea Tantaros has explained, they're not scary at all. They just play bingo and surprise everybody with Werther's Originals, just like Christian and Jewish Olds. Those kids under 6, though. They are the scary ones!

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And this is happening despite how Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has been trying SO HARD to be as cruel as possible to Syrian refugees, going so far as to threaten to defund a relief agency if it brings in those scary people and to tell the feds he will SEE YOU IN COURT. And of course, he's one of those governors who thinks he has the authority to stand at the gates to Texas (in Texarkana, next to the roadside titty bar) and personally kick any Syrian refugees in the face if they try to enter that state. (Those governors do not have that authority. Also, Barack Obama thinks they're a bunch of pussies.)

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And Texas has been through so much recently! Operation Jade Helm left the state an utter wasteland, as Barack Obama and ISIS and the Chineses crept through tunnels under the Walmarts, sparking fears that soiled the labeled underpants of every gun-toting gomer in the state. Oh God, and then they put all the God-fearing Christian Texans in the FEMA camps, and it was so bad, we don't even want to talk about it no more. And then there was the terror caused by Ahmed the clock nerd. And now this. A few Muslim children. They probably really like Dora The Explorer. IN A JIHAD WAY.

Anyway, Texas, sorry about what's about to happen to you, but look on the bright side. America won't have to be embarrassed by you anymore! Oh, oops, guess that's the bright side for the rest of us.

As usual, we will close this post by quoting our Wonkette Policy On Syrian Refugees, which is a good thing to follow even if you're a whiny shitbag wingnut from Texas:

Of course U.S. America should take in refugees. It’s our fucking job. The alternative is to leave them stuck in hell, where they will either die or become radicalized against the United States. Or else we might as well replace the plaque on that nice welcoming statue in New York Harbor with one that reads, “Sucks to be you.” The lesson of World War II was supposed to be “Never Again,” not “leave ’em to die because they’re scary foreigners with the wrong religion.”



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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