Tea Party Jesus Likes Income Inequality Just Fine, Says Wingnut
Well here is a big change! Tea Party Unity head man Rick Scarborough is talking about something other thanbuttsex! This is unusual, because he really likes to talk about buttsex. But instead, he -- or rather, his guest on a Tea Party Unity webcast, former California state Assemblyman Howard Kaloogian, talked about Jesus and how the Prince of Peace is opposed to reducing income inequality, because it says so right in the Bible. Kaloogian explained this a bit further:
I think it’s clear that God has a position on many of the things we deem political today, from life to theft to the doctrine of covetousness, which by the way seems to be the promotion of the left. You know, they talk about "income inequality," well what is that but covetousness? So how could somebody support that cause if they’re biblical believing Christians?
It's so true! The poors might start coveting $10 an hour, and then where would we be? It's just like that time when Jesus told the multitude, "Damn you, stop coveting my loaves and fishes! Get out! MINE!" Heaven knows that there's nothing covetous about simply wanting to pile up more and more wealth for yourself -- we just dare you to find Jesus saying a single word about that.
Scarborough reminded Kaloogian that there's no need to worry too much about America, because he's certain that "the God of Heaven will intervene" and make everything OK eventually, although if we're too unrighteous He may have to slap us around a bit like the dirty whores we are. You know, like He did back in history times:
This country has been on the brink of complete disaster and collapse in several occasions in our national history. During the Roaring Twenties, socially this country was on the brink and deserved judgment; go back during the pre-Civil War era when we were buying and selling human beings, we deserved God’s judgment. But there was always a thread of Christians active in politics who didn’t lose sight of the prize and did what they could and God intervened, and that’s what I pray for and work for in this latter period of our national history. No matter what we do, if God doesn’t intervene the country is lost. But I know this, all the prayers in the world won’t change this country and God’s not going to act if those of us who I call the remnant don’t get involved, pay the price, like you’re doing, so I encourage you to continue doing that.
So, yes, both the Civil War and the Great Depression were God's judgment on America, punishments for our national sins of slavery and jazz and short hemlines, we guess. Strange that God didn't take slightly better care of Abraham Lincoln in that one, or that the slaveholders seemed to think He had ordained slavery in the Bible, which actually says fuck-all about states rights or Constitutions or representative democracy. But the main thing to remember is that the Depression was God's doing, so don't go trying to draw any lessons from it about economics or Keynesian stimulus. Besides, God then sent World War II along, which was pretty damn good for America in the postwar long term.
Also, keep praying, and keep working on making sure that the poor don't get too covetous, because if you can just keep them from getting too uppity, you'll definitely get your reward. Amen.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.