Teabagger Congressman Furious With Obama For Stealing Jesus From Teabaggers
OK not ALL the little children, according to Republicans.
Remember Dave Brat? He is the teabagger who decided Virginia congressman Eric Cantor was a stinkin' liberal, primaried him from the right, and beat him, thus depriving Cantor of all his future hopes and dreams, and forcing John Boehner to keep crying into his speaker's gavel for WAY longer than he wanted to.
[contextly_sidebar id="YHftttHnC3JhjC08pb89DtdIxRDE90Zs"]Rep. Brat has some thoughts to share with crazy American Family Association hate lady Sandy Rios, about that Muslim atheist president Barack Obama, who has the audacity to act Christlike toward Syrian refugees, and who made fun of Republicans for being such crying wimps about scary brown toddlers. This is incorrect, according to Brat, because DUH, liberals don't know anything about Jesus. Besides, did you know that wingnut conservatives OWN Jesus? It's true!
He is so mad bro:
Last month [President Obama] started MOCKING Republicans and saying we were scared of orphans and widows. Well, people in the tradition know what that word means, right? That's one of Jesus, he commands, take care of the [unintelligible, not English] the widows and orphans. Again, commands! But he is using the Christian tradition and he's trying to bring about compassion by bonking Republicans over the head with the Bible. It’s almost a comedy routine on what compassion and love is. He’s mocking his enemies in order to compel a larger federal state using the tradition of love.
Hahahaha, that, friends, is a teabagger wingnut Christian complaining about the black liberal president being a Bible beater, but the WRONG KIND of Bible beater.
The conservative side needs to needs to reeducate its people that we OWN the entire tradition. [...]
If you lose the moral argument, you'll lose the policy argument every time.
That's right, conservatives OWN Jesus. As evidence for this, Brat says liberal perfessers something something blah-di blah blah, shut up, you stupid dickhole.
So, that silly dumb president thinks he understands the Bible and morality, pffffft. Obama probably thinks a bunch of queer things like "God is love" and doesn't even realize the overarching message of the Gospels is "Fuck brown kids and let them die, because they're scary."
Or not? We're going to go out on a limb here and say his suggestion that somehow CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS have the market cornered on being Christlike toward the Syrian refugees is maybe just a tad questionable. For instance:
- Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has threatened to defund a relief agency if it messes with Texas by letting Syrians fleeing war and murder resettle there.
- Mike Huckabee, that fucking cock, knows Syrian refugees are only coming to America to steal our precious Comcast, and says letting bad, rotten Muslim foreigners into America would be just like tainting his beautiful belly with spoiled squirrel steaks.
- Donald Trump is so fucking Christlike on the issue that he actually wants to return Syrian refugees WHO ALREADY LIVE HERE, PEACEFULLY.
- Bikini-clad Fox News wigstand Andrea Tantaros assured America that we SHOULD be scared of those Syrian toddlers, because they're all going to grow up to be terrorists one day, whereas old granny Muslims are probably OK and will make you falafel.
- Haha, remember the time all those Jesus-loving Republicans in Congress voted to collective shit their pants, surrender to ISIS, and make it even fucking harder for innocent Syrians fleeing the terror of their homelands to find safe haven here?
We could do more bullet points, but you get the idea.
Look, Dave Brat is a dick. He thinks it's OK to cut school funding for poor children, because Socrates was able to teach Plato all the knowledge just by using a rock, and rocks aren't expensive at all. He also thinks ensuring access to high quality healthcare is making America just like North Korea.
And now we know he's a big, mean, scaredy-cat motherfucker when it comes to tiny babies with Muslim names, just like everybody else with an "R" next to his name.