Ted Cruz Apology Tour Over, Back To Being Total A-Hole

When Ted Cruz got caught jetting off to Cancun in the middle of the worst winter storm to hit Texas in eons, which took the heat and electricity and potable drinking water from millions of Texans for days on end, his first response, because he was an asshole, was to blame his daughters for the whole affair. Once texts leaked from his wife, Heidi, showing that Ted Cruz was lying about who was using their Orbitz points for this — i.e. NOT HIS DAUGHTERS — he did stop lying for a brief moment, and some Beltway journalists were dumb enough that they watched his interview and said things like "Awwwww, now he just sounds like a dad! Dear old dad! Just trying to be a good dad!"

It was ridiculous.

Anyway, Ted Cruz is done apologizing now, and has decided to go back to being an asshole. He went to see Sean Hannity last night, because that's where people go when they're ready to be an asshole again.

The pertinent part starts about five minutes into the clip above. Hannity said it was just CRAZY for the media to be so mad that Cruz had "dropped off his daughters" in Mexico, as if that is what he was planning on doing the whole time. Hannity said the media is covering Cruz "like 24/7 'cause you dropped somebody off and you came back home."

CRUZ: Well, you're right, and I think the media is suffering from Trump withdrawal, where they've attacked Trump every day for four years, they don't know what to do. So they obsessed over my taking my girls to the beach!

Yep, that's what happened. Everybody was just mad at Ted Cruz for taking his girls to the beach, and there is no other important context to this story.

While Ted Cruz was jetting to Mexico while his constituents in Texas suffered, Democrats like Joaquin and Julian Castro, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Cruz's 2018 Senate opponent Beto O'Rourke have been on the ground doing the work to get immediate aid to the Texans who have needed it most. At some point, Ted Cruz tried to do some kind of PR photo-op where he, we dunno, threw ham slices at Texans' faces or something. (It was water, he gave them water. Meanwhile, Fox News idiots have literally been mad that Joe Biden hasn't been down there throwing paper towels at Texans' heads like Donald Trump did in Puerto Rico.)

But as to what Cruz said about how we all have Trump withdrawal and are just looking for somebody to hate, we must remind Senator Cruz that America despised him long before Trump was a weird red blemish on America's ass that festered and grew and festered and grew until it was a gigantic, bubbling, oozing hate zit. In January of 2016, Wonkette had a story called "Everybody Hates Ted Cruz And His Stupid Foreign-Born Face," and it was about how everybody hates him so much. It began:

Do you know how hard it is to write yet another post about how much everyone hates Ted Cruz? Not because it makes us sad to write it, or because it is difficult to write. Hating a face like that, the O.G. face made for punching, is actually super easy. What is hard is tracking down all the one million times we've already written about how much everyone hates him so we can make sure to link to them all again for your convenience.

It's kind of a thing, Ted. It's not so-called "Trump withdrawal." What was that thing Al Franken wrote in one of his books about Ted Cruz? Oh yeah, it was "I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz."

Nobody is going after Ted Cruz because they just can't figure out what to do with all this time on their hands, now that we don't have to criticize Donald Trump every five seconds.

Cruz also appeared on the "Ruthless" podcast this week, and said Heidi is "pretty pissed" about her texts leaking. He said he has Republican neighbors and also Democratic neighbors, and that we should all just be nicer to each other: "Here's a suggestion, just don't be assholes! Like, just treat each other as human beings, have some degree, have some modicum of respect." That's right, Ted Cruz is trying to teach us how to not be assholes and treat each other like human beings. Same Ted Cruz we've been talking about this whole entire post. The one who pushed Donald Trump's fascist Big Lie and called into question the vote counts in states that voted for Joe Biden, which directly led to the Capitol attack on January 6. That guy.

You first, Ted.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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