Ted Cruz Can't Believe Everyone Being So Unchill About His Plan To Overturn Election

2020 presidential election

On Saturday, Ted Cruz released a plan he hoped would subvert the will of the American people and overturn the election so that the man who repeatedly called his wife ugly could have four more years in office. In short, he wanted a 10-day audit to determine the legitimacy of the last election. Also, he and 11 other senators and soon-to-be senators, who signed onto his statement, would "vote on January 6 to reject the electors from disputed states as not 'regularly given' and 'lawfully certified' (the statutory requisite), unless and until that emergency 10-day audit is completed."

For those of you playing at home who are as bad at math as Ted Cruz apparently is, January 6 is much less than ten days away. (It is Wednesday.)

Now, some people thought that was kind of a weird thing to do. Possibly even a treasonous or seditious thing to do. And that? That really hurt Ted Cruz's feelings.

Cruz pleaded on Fox News with those criticizing his plans to just lie back and think of England while he and his good buddies try to overturn the election, instead of acting like it is some kind of big deal.

CRUZ: I think everyone needs to calm down. I think we need to tone down the rhetoric. This is already a volatile situation. It's like a tinderbox and throwing lit matches into it and so I think the kind of hyperbole we're seeing, the kind of angry language. Yesterday when I released my statement with ten other senators — multiple, multiple Democrats urging that I should be arrested and tried for the crimes of sedition and treason.

Now that's not helpful. At a time when this country, when we're pitted against each other. Just relax and let's do our job. We have a responsibility to follow the law.

Cruz then made an earnest plea to those who don't think the election was rigged to look at the poll numbers and see how many Americans do think it was rigged, and said that "dismissing these claims, I think, does real violence to our democratic system."

Hey! Remember when Antonin Scalia said counting all the votes in Florida in 2000 would be bad, because here's why?

The counting of votes that are of questionable legality does in my view threaten irreparable harm to petitioner Bush, and to the country, by casting a cloud upon what he claims to be the legitimacy of his election.

To be fair, it was just very plausible that loads of people in Palm Beach County, a predominantly liberal and Jewish area, purposely voted for noted anti-Semite and Holocaust denier Pat Buchanan.

But I digress.

The Americans who believe the election was "rigged" are people who would believe Donald Trump if he told them he was God. Or Elvis. Or their own mother. There is no evidence in the world that can convince people who eagerly believe things with absolutely no evidence whatsoever. Trump says he won Georgia by hundreds of thousands of votes, and these people go "Well, he wouldn't say it if it weren't true! I require absolutely no evidence or additional details to believe this with my whole heart." Why would an audit convince them of anything? It will obviously do absolutely nothing but validate Trump's claims to them.

Now, the fact that they want to investigate and do an "audit?" Eh, who cares? Really, they're not going to find anything, so no big. That's not the problem. The problem is that January 6 (again) is much less than ten days away and the time to do a 10-day audit was, at best, two Sundays ago. They have to vote Wednesday. And if they don't, well, it won't actually change anything anyway because Congress does not actually have the power to just keep Donald Trump in office forever. WHOOPS.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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